IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #tax #food
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Unhealthy
food
 is the main health problem in many countries. Many individuals believe that the
government
 should raise taxes on unhealthy
foods
 to encourage the population to consume healthy
foods
. I totally agree with
this
 viewpoint. The support of my viewpoint will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, I completely agree that the
government
 should raise taxes on unhealthy
foods
. The most important reason is that nowadays many people suffer from chronic
diseases
 more than non-chronic
diseases
 caused by fast
foods
 and ready-meal
foods
.
For instance
, in the
last
 100 years,
food
 innovation has not improved,
then
 individuals
ate
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 healthy
food
 mostly from fresh fruits and vegetables. Nowadays, convenience
foods
 like instant noodles, which are easily accessible, have become more popular than fresh
foods
.
In addition
, convenience
foods
 usually contain unhealthy ingredients and provide long-term negative effects on health.
As a result
, if some people consume convenience
foods
 for a long time, it will cause chronic
diseases
such
 as diabetes, heart disease, and obesity.
In addition
, the
government
 should provide education about healthy diets.
For example
, to encourage populations to reduce their consumption of junk
food
 through TV advertisements and social media.
Moreover
, the
government
 should raise taxes on junk
food
 and increase funds to improve sports facilities in public schools.
As a result
, if teenagers exercise more than in the past,
then
 they could be healthier and avoid chronic
diseases
.
Lastly
, families should play a role in encouraging children to avoid unhealthy
foods
.
For example
, families should buy and cook healthy
food
 with fresh vegetables and healthy ingredients. In conclusion, I believe that
although
 there are various ways to reduce
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating unhealthy
food
, the most effective one is the provide
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 advantages about
eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
 healthy
foods
.
Submitted by alisa.chuaypalad on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and the ideas should be arranged logically. Use cohesive devices appropriately, but avoid overusing them.
task achievement
Make sure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. It should be clear if you agree or disagree with the statement, and your essay should explain your viewpoint with relevant reasons and examples. You've done well to state your position; ensure your points are directly supporting it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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