Many people believe that school uniforms stop children from expressing their personality and individuality. Therefore, uniforms should be banned and children be allowed to wear what they want. Do you agree or disagree?

There are many people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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that
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
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is preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
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to
express
Wrong verb form
expression of
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personality and uniqueness of the
students
, and
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
should be allowed to choose their
school
dress
. I disagree with
this
view which I will explain in
this
essay. The people who advocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diverse
school
dress
are arguing that
pupuil
Correct your spelling
pupils
pupil
should understand the importance of proper
dress
from their
school
days which will help them to professionally
dress
in future.
Moreover
, the
colour
choices are different
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
each person. The
students
should have the right to choose
thier
Correct your spelling
their
favourite
colour
school
dress
.
School
time is moulding the future of children which should not be neglected.
For example
, a recent study indicated that the vibrant
colour
dress
will increase the confidence level of the
students
. The non-uniform
school
dress
will segregate
students
based on their economic status. The
students
who have able to buy more
dress
will be different from the pupils who
has
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have
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few
dress
Change to a plural noun
dresses
show examples
.
For example
,
students
using branded
dress
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dresses
show examples
will
be attract
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attract
show examples
others and they may pester their parents to buy expensive
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
.
Furthermore
, uniforms will help to
easly differenciate
Correct your spelling
easily differentiate
each
school
Change noun form
school's
show examples
students
.
For instance
, a news reported that the people identified the lost student during the study trip based on the
school
uniform. In conclusion, the right to choose their favourite
colour
for the
school
dress
will improve
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
dressing ability and confidence. The
non uniform
Add a hyphen
non-uniform
show examples
dress
migt
Correct your spelling
might
segregate the
students
based on the financial status of the family which will be detrimental.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
You generally presented a clear position throughout the response, however, you could enhance clarity by directly addressing the task and ensuring each paragraph has one clear main idea. You need to fully develop your arguments to increase your score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks some coherence due to issues like grammatical errors and poor word choices which can confuse the reader. Work on establishing clear and logical progression of ideas. Also, pay attention to paragraphing and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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