Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development
Young
population is the most valuable asset of a nation.Nowadays, an optimal number of youngsters Add an article
The young
use
most of their Verb problem
spend
time
on cellphones
on Correct your spelling
cell phones
regular
basis.I believe that there are multiple reasons behind Correct article usage
a regular
this
negative trend.
To begin
with, the nuclear family is the utmost reason of
Change preposition
for
this
popular fashion.As families are getting relatively smaller, kids do not have enough family members to pass
their Verb problem
spend
time
with.In the
smaller Correct article usage
apply
families
Add a comma
families,
parents
do not have an ample amount of time
to spend with their kids owing to a busy professional life.For instance
, when masses
had larger families, children used to spend Correct article usage
the masses
their
with their Replace the word
there
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
parents
. The older adults often took them to park
where they could play, get fresh air and could establish a connection with nature.
As far as my views are concerned, Wrong verb form
parks
this
development has detrimental effects on intimate relationships. Youngsters dedicate most of their time
on
cellphones rather than spending it with Change preposition
to
parents
, friends or in real
world. Add an article
the real
Instead
of talking with their parents
about their issues they love to discuss with
virtual Correct pronoun usage
them with
assistant
on modern phones. A recent survey about technology and blood ties would be a suitable example in Fix the agreement mistake
assistants
this
context.It was found that an overwhelming majority failed to recall when they last
time
had a conversation with their adults whereas
they were in regular touch with the people whom they met through smartphones.
To conclude
, the smaller family is undoubtedly a major component of this
destructive fashion.Hence
, parents
should get enough time
for their children so that the
young people Correct article usage
apply
would use
Verb problem
spend
less
hours on Change the quantifier
fewer
the
cellphones.Change the word
their
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The current introduction and conclusion are present but could be more distinct and effective in addressing the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Create more cohesion within the essay by using cohesive devices such as connectors, pronouns, and conjunctions effectively to relate sentences and paragraphs to each other.
coherence cohesion
Develop ideas fully by expanding on points with explanations, results, or contrasting ideas to support the main argument. Use a variety of complex structures to enhance clarity and demonstrate language proficiency.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing why children use smartphones and the implications of this, both of which should be explored thoroughly.
task achievement
Provide a clear position throughout the essay. Your opinion about whether the development is positive or negative should be consistent and clear from the introduction through to the conclusion.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support the main points. The examples given should be specific and explicitly linked to the arguments being made.