Government gives a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere.
There is no doubt that these days the government assists several
artists
and gives them amount
of Add an article
the amount
an amount
money
to achieve their aims some people
think that it is a waste of money
while
others believe that it is worth supporting artists
from the government sector. In this
essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my own opinion.
In terms of the positive side, artists
affect in several ways to encourage citizens to achieve their dreams and show our culture through the arts
to different countries the main reason given to support this
claim is that most governments trust their citizens to increase arts
companies in our country as arts
plays nowadays and gain more investment by artists
as articles published 50% of people
are artists
to illustrate , in Korea increasing their culture by artists
. In other words
,the government wants to increase artists
careers and Change noun form
artists'
artist's
also
the entertainment industry and they giving the
an amount of Correct your spelling
them
money
to improve their lives and develop their skills in the arts
.
However
, in this
essayAdd a comma
,
people
are homeless ,
and poor and our streets need to Remove the comma
apply
developed
so why governments don’t give amount of Add a missing verb
be developed
money
to people
who do not a
place to live and ministry?
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
have a
although
artistic people
need funds for creations for their projects arts
affect our society increasingly and they will increase our income by making more artists
in the future we could provide poor people
with amounts of money
through arts
.Submitted by luhana.chii on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure with an uneven progression of ideas. You need to organize your paragraphs in a way that clearly introduces, develops, and concludes your arguments. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not well-developed or clear. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your view. The conclusion needs to effectively summarize your main points and restate your position with clarity.
task achievement
It's crucial to support your main points with specific, relevant examples. The examples you provided are somewhat unclear and not entirely relevant to the points being made. Providing clear and direct examples that support each main point would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to the task by clearly addressing both views and explaining your own opinion. Your essay only touches on the reasons for government support of artists, and the opposing viewpoint is not adequately discussed or exemplified.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, and that they directly answer the question. Currently, ideas are somewhat muddled and indirect, making it difficult for the reader to understand your stance on government support for the arts versus other potential uses of funds.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.