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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether governments should allow high-
level
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salaries
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 or not. Some
people
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 believe that it can not be justifiable to have extremely high profits, others claim that having an opportunity to earn money inordinately is feasible for a country. I strongly believe that exemptions about the
level
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 of gained revenue might be a serious problem for the harmony of the society.
To begin
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 with, many are on the side of a belief that earning a high
level
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 of money is the main key to an egalitarian society in today's world. To expand the idea, several countries, which are revered for giving
freedom
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 to all
people
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, do not have any restrictions over
salaries
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 as they are called liberal states.
Furthermore
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,
along with
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 the
freedom
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, contributing to a country's economic prosperity can not be neglectable because the more they gain money, the more taxes they are responsible for paying. To cite an example, there is legislation about the tariffs that
people
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 must pay 36 per cent of their yearly salary to the government in European countries. That emphasises the significance of the excessive
level
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 of
salaries
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 which is a boon. With regard to the opposite side of the view,
people
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 believe that
salaries
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 should be restrained by governments to some extent. What is more,
while
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 taking
people
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 who are divided into 3 parts: prosperous, medium, and indigent into account, it is unavoidable that exorbitant
salaries
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 might lead to destroying the harmony of the society in any country.
For instance
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, India is well-known for its social divisions which have a great chasm between them because elite
people
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 get a high
level
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 of profit from their businesses, which is the main problem of the destruction.
Consequently
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, I firmly opine that its advantages are eclipsed by its disadvantages, and for that reason, there should be rules in order to gain profit.
To conclude
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,
although
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people
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 tend to have
freedom
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 and free choices, and its benefits in the economy are obvious, the communities, occasionally, can fade into oblivion since a certain
level
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 of
freedom
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 is dangerous.

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introduction
Ensure a clear introduction is provided, presenting the main topic and your viewpoint succinctly. The introduction in this essay begins to address the topic but could be more concise and straightforward in presenting the key arguments and your position.
body
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations. While the essay attempts to support the main points, the examples provided (e.g., European tax legislation) are not fully developed or directly relevant to demonstrating the impact of high salaries on a country.
conclusion
Use conclusion to effectively summarize both sides of the argument and restate your opinion. This essay includes a conclusion but would benefit from more clearly summarizing the discussion and reinforcing the writer's standpoint.
coherence
Ensure logical progression of ideas and clear organization of paragraphs. The essay's structure is generally logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother and paragraphing more clearly defined to aid coherence.
cohesion
Provide consistent and accurate use of cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, etc.). This essay makes some use of cohesive devices but could apply them more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task, illustrating points with specific and relevant examples. The task is addressed, yet the response could be strengthened with more relevant examples to illustrate each point of view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
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