IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Life in foreign countries can be a struggle for immigrants who have to speak a new language. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as these individuals may earn less and become rather isolated. The disparity in proficiency in language makes it harder for people to socialise when they have a weaker grasp of a language.
For example
Linking Words
, in some cultures
such
Linking Words
 as Spain, football is extremely important to the society, so the newcomers to the country who are less familiar with the common chants and specific terminology may be impacted by the inability to integrate into
this
Linking Words
 aspect of the community.
As a result
Linking Words
, the immigrants become
further
Linking Words
 distanced from their locality and can suffer negative mental health effects which can lead to an unhappy life. Another reason why speaking in a non-native tongue can affect people badly is because they will be favoured less in the job market.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the preference job posts place on workers who are able to communicate freely with their peers, and the employers
also
Linking Words
 benefit by having to train the recruits less.
For instance
Linking Words
, a doctor in a hospital is judged by their ability to convey information to a patient;
therefore
Linking Words
, those who are restricted in
this
Linking Words
 aspect may not be able to seek promotions or get employed at the highest levels. In conclusion, people become less accepted by society and struggle in employment if they find themselves forced to speak a foreign tongue.
Thus
Linking Words
, I believe these problems will affect those who live in countries that do not speak in a similar way to them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay clearly addresses the topic, incorporating a counter-argument can make your task response stronger. Consider acknowledging the potential benefits of speaking a foreign language in a new country and then refuting them to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Some points, while relevant, could be supported with more specific examples or evidence. For instance, you mentioned football chants in Spain – providing a brief anecdote or a statistic could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more varied transitional phrases between points and paragraphs. This can make your essay flow more smoothly and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is good but ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Sometimes ideas can become slightly muddled; clear topic sentences can help maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly stating and summarizing your position.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the impact on job opportunities and social integration through language proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: