IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is clear that
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animals
Use synonyms
 play a crucial part in human
lives
Use synonyms
. Some claim that all wild beasts should be preserved
whereas
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 others hold that few wild
animals
Use synonyms
 should be protected whose being endangered.
This
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 essay shall discuss both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, all wild creatures should be conserved by the authorities because all wild critters are prominent
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human
lives
Use synonyms
.
This
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 means it assists
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
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 the ecosystem
along with
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 providing food,
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
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, medicine and other facilities to the population, so
ruling
Add an article
the ruling
show examples
 party should
be preserved
Wrong verb form
preserve
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 all forest beasts
by
Change preposition
through
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 conservative programs and creating awareness
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 people.
For example
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,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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 government allocates more than ten million dollars for protecting all wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in every
year
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year's
show examples
 budget. Needless to say, every creature is
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
important and it helps people's livelihood in many different ways,
hence
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 all forest critters should be conserved. On the other other, a few wild
animals
Use synonyms
 should be preserved
instead
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 of everything whose being
endangered
Correct article usage
an endangered
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 and rare species. Some rare
animals
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 are being
an endangered positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
an endangered position
endangered positions
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 around the world, the ruling party should invest a huge amount to protect these species for future generations.
For instance
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,
white
Correct article usage
the white
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 Tiger is an endangered critter in India, so they should more focus
to conserve
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on conserving
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this
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 animal
by
Change preposition
through
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conservational
Replace the word
conservation
show examples
 programs. Not only Tigers but
also
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 polar
pands
Correct your spelling
bears
 are in
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 of rare and endangered creatures around the world.
Therefore
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, these kinds of critters should be conserved
instead
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 of all wilds. In conclusion,
although
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 all wild breasts are of utmost importance to human
lives
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to maintain our ecosystem, an endangered and rare species namely white Tigers and polar pandas only should be protected
instead
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 of all wild
animals
Use synonyms
.
However
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, in my opinion,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
all wild
animals
Use synonyms
 should be conserved
due to
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 every wild creature is crucial for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps to maintain the ecosystem properly.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on clearly organizing your essay. This includes having a very clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a single main idea, and a clear conclusion. It is vital to ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your main points are supported with specific examples or explanations. While you have attempted to provide examples, they need to be more detailed and directly linked to the argument you are making. Try to cite specific studies, reports, or statistics where possible.
Task Achievement
Work on clarifying and directly answering the task question throughout the essay. Ensure that you discuss both views thoroughly before providing your own opinion. Your personal stance should be clear, but it should not overshadow the requirement to discuss both sides of the argument.
General
Improve the precision of your language and reduce grammatical errors by practicing structured sentences and using a variety of grammatical structures accurately. Pay attention to the correct use of articles, plural forms, and verb tenses.
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