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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.

#overpopulation #areas
The increasing
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
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population, especially in big cities is the cause of many disasters. Overproduction, overconsuming,
pollution
Correct word choice
and pollution
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, are just some problems that the society of our times can not solve. Of course, there are solutions for every
problem
,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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 people should protect natural and artificial resources as much as possible.
The
Correct article usage
Pollution
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pollution
 of the
air
 is probably one of the biggest problems
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 urban areas. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of fact, the concentration of the transport, thermic centrals and even people are the reason why the
air
 is polluted.
For example
, the chemical composition of the
air
 in Beijing, New York City and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 megapolises is modified as the concentration of carbon dioxide is higher.
However
, there is no
problem
 without a solution. The utilization of alternative energy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible consumption and the installation of
air
 filters could solve the
problem
 of
air
pollution
.
For instance
, in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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 to reduce the number of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 based on
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
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, the Government increased the costs of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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car maintenance, so the number of bicycles
also
 increased. Actually, the case of
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 is a great example for all the countries in order to reduce all types of
pollution
.
Air
pollution
 is a
problem
 a lot of cities struggle with, but it does not mean that it is impossible to solve it. Indeed, the results will appear when every person
will understand
Wrong verb form
understands
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 that the city where he/she lives is first of all his/her home
,
Remove the comma
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 because every small action has a global impact when there are eight billion people on the earth.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the main focus of the essay. You should clearly state your position or the main points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure should be more logically organized with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each main point, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically between paragraphs with appropriate use of linking words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your arguments with more specific examples and data. This will strengthen your main points and provide evidence for your assertions.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed the topic, your response needs to be more developed with a clearer exposition of your main ideas. Consider expanding on your points, explaining how they relate to the topic, and explore the implications or results more thoroughly.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you provide comprehensive coverage of the topic, addressing all aspects of the task. You should also work on articulating your ideas more clearly, and ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the task prompt effectively.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant examples to support your points. These examples should be specific and relevant to the issues discussed in the task. Generic or very broad examples lessen the impact of your argument and may not adequately demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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