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Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research

#people #information #research
The argument about whether we should share as much information as possible in scientific research or not because it is considered too valuable to be shared freely has been flying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society for quite some time.
Although
 it is true that scientific research
are
Change the verb form
is
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 valuable and useful, we should  give it away with no exception. There are some people that thought that it is better to keep our mouth shut even though we did some valuable researches. Their argument is rather people would not appreciate it enough or even trashtalk it as it is some kind of joke. They said that
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 like
this
 should not be given away freely because it would mean they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 appreciate the
scientist
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scientist's
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 hard work and they would rather sell it to get profits and many more. I would think that the scientist who found something incredible would prefer their
researches
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research
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 to be given freely rather than sell it to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
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. Einstein, in example, sold his work to some country that later used his researches to make weapons for the world wars. Because of
this
, einstein suffered stress because everyone criticized him.
On the other hand
,
Nobel
, who found dynamite, suffered stress because dynamite were used for no goods after he published it. It can be inferred that the topic
about
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of
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 "
should
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Should
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 we give it freely?"
are
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is
show examples
 very subjective. There are
few
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a few
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aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
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 that are included in
this
 problem, in context, is
this
 useful to
the
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apply
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society? or is
this
 a threat
instead
? Nicolaus Copernicus
,
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apply
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 said that
earth
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the earth
show examples
 revolves around the sun, and because of that, the topic became controversial and he was threatened to be beheaded because of telling hoax.
Few
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A few
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 years later, it is true that
Correct article usage
the earth
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earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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revolves around the sun, and not the other way. From all the examples, it can be concluded that
valubale
Correct your spelling
valuable
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 should be given freely no matter what. If we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
, we might never evolve. Einstein's
founding
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funding
show examples
 now has been used for
self defense
Add a hyphen
self-defense
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, and even
Nobel
's experience and story created the "
Nobel
 Prize". The
Nobel
 Prize
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 known to have some rules, in one of them, it is written that the research will and must be used 
foor
Correct your spelling
for
 goods.
Submitted by jedidia.husodo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression throughout the essay, with clear paragraphing and use of appropriate linking words. Develop your main points in separate paragraphs, and avoid digressing from the central topic.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, making sure your response includes a clear position throughout the response. Provide relevant arguments and examples to support your viewpoints and expand on them to ensure completeness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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