IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY.

#celebrities #money
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The astronomical salaries of the popular media personalities is conspicuously known. But the question remains, is
this
 amount of money justified or perhaps, may be too extravagent ?
This
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 completely agrees that the
celebrities's
Change noun form
celebrities'
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 wages are appropriate
due to
 their fame, status and past accomplishments. The popularity is the major reason that justifies the high salary of famous TV personalities.
Due to
 their fame, they can fetch high profits
to
Change preposition
for
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 the businesses they promote , and
also
 in which they exhibit
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 active role.
For example
, a large fan following makes it a higher likelihood for a movie star to attract more viewership for his movies,thereby, making film producers to generate significant profit.
Therefore
, it can argued that choosing a new face over renowned a renowned actor leads a fewer audiences to place their faith and trust on the actors who have just started their career and do not have any consideration fan-following. The pinnacle success of
celebrities
 is another reason that contented me that the hefty fees of
celebrities
is
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are
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 justified. Admittedly, it is not easy being a well-known face in a society and it needs persistence, preservarence and mettle to survive the competition and overcoming obstacles to be a successful athlete, sportsman or an artist.
This
 is, precisely, a reason people look upto them as an inspiration and motivation to thrive in their life challenges. In addtion to
this
 , I reckon their contribution to our society is priceless,
thus
, they deservedly must get higher salaries compared to other professionals. In conclusion, I will reiterate my stance that the current salary package of
celebrities
 is equitable and I have no doubt that they will keep earning higher wages
due to
 their popularity , and commendable and mountainous efforts to attain their well-earned fame.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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introduction conclusion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the argument and presents the reasons that will be discussed. Likewise, a conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and restate your position.
supported main points
Provide more varied and detailed examples to support your main points, ensuring relevance and strengthening the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
While addressing the question, ensure every paragraph elaborates on a clear, singular idea, leading to a comprehensive understanding of your viewpoint.
logical structure
Maintain a consistent structure, employing clear topic sentences and logically ordered supporting sentences to improve the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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