IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

In our contemporary world, it is witnessed that people have a great tendency to use their phones rather than cash when they want to purchase something.
This
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 phenomenon has its own merits and drawbacks, which are going to be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Although
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 using cash seems to be more common and easier than any other method, it has some disadvantages as well.
First,
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if you do not have enough of it, you may not afford an item whose price is higher than the amount of payment in your pocket.
Second,
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at the time of purchasing, you have to pay the exact amount of money and change, and if you do not have change, you need to give the seller an extra amount of payment sometimes.
Third,
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a paper-based money should always be kept in a wallet to preserve its neat and tidy shape, because if your cash is wrinkled and dirty, no seller will accept it from you.
For instance
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, assume that you want to buy a dish which costs 40.52 dollars, and you have a wrinkled and dirty 50-dollar bill in your pocket. In
this
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 situation, not only do you have to pay more as you do not have change, but
also
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 it is highly possible that the shopkeeper will not accept to take the payment.
Therefore
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, using paper currency has a number of difficulties.
On the other hand
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, using a cellphone to buy a commodity provides you with applicable options and merits.
Firstly
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, there is no need for a paper-based currency; you can buy anything if your mobile is with you.
Moreover
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, you can purchase multiple items with different currencies simultaneously.
For instance
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, if an Iranian passenger travels abroad, he or she can pay for a commodity with different currencies, like the Euro, the Dollar, or even cryptocurrency.
In addition
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, there is no need to refer to an exchange office in case of travelling abroad, since your bank account, which is available in your cellphone app, can automatically exchange your money to any currency you want, at the time of purchasing an object.
However
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, you will lose your purchasing power if your phone is broken or missed. But, in comparison with using paper bills, mobile bank apps are more applicable.
To sum up
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, regarding the benefits of using mobile apps for purchasing over utilising paper bills, I personally reckon that the merits of
this
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 development outweigh its demerits, given the facts that were discussed in the above paragraphs.

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task response
Be clear at once. Say your main view in the first line, then add reasons.
content
Add more strong points and simple examples to back them up. Avoid only a list of ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas and make flow. Use first, next, also, but, although, however.
language
Fix common errors in grammar and word use. Keep simple and correct.
content
The text has a clear compare of money use and mobile pay.
view
There is a clear view that mobile pay has more benefit.
example
There are some good examples to show points.
structure
There is a proper structure with intro, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
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