Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary era, there is a belief that increasing taxes on junk
food
will deter its consumption
, leading individuals
to opt for healthier dietary choices. In my perspective, while
heavy charges may decrease the consumption
of unhealthy food
, they might not necessarily encourage the adoption of nutritious alternatives. I will elucidate on
Change preposition
apply
this
viewpoint in the ensuing paragraphs.
To commence, imposing substantial levies on unhealthy meals results in increased costs, directly impacting the middle and lower-income segments of society. For instance
, commonly consumed junk food
items, such
as burgers, pizzas, and street food
, are often available at affordable rates through various apps like Zomato and Shopee Food
. Consequently
, individuals
, particularly those with time constraints, gravitate towards these options. If the government were to increase taxes on such
food
items, it would likely have a limited impact on the consumption
habits of wealthier individuals
who can still afford these items.
Alternatively, addressing this
issue involves exploring other methods. Firstly
, making healthy food
more affordable and accessible is crucial. Many individuals
are conscious of the adverse effects of unhealthy eating, yet the availability of ready-to-eat options surpasses that of healthier alternatives. Additionally
, the government should actively organize health awareness campaigns, providing information on both healthy and unhealthy dietary choices and emphasizing the detrimental effects of fast food
consumption
.
In conclusion, while
taxing ready-to-eat meals may reduce their consumption
, it could disproportionately affect low-income groups. To promote healthier eating habits, initiatives such
as making nutritious food
more accessible and raising awareness about the impacts of fast food
consumption
are essential.Submitted by jehanboo on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay did a reasonable job of creating a structured argument, but at times it felt like the logical progression between ideas could be smoother. Focus on creating a more seamless flow between paragraphs by using a range of cohesive devices and clearly articulating how one idea leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and mostly meet the requirements of the task. However, the final conclusion could be stronger if it solidified your stance on the issue, rather than restating the points made in the body. Aim to leave the reader with a clear and impactful final thought on the subject.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported by explanations, but adding more examples or data could help to further strengthen your argument. Concrete examples give weight to your claims and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task with a clear position throughout, yet it tends to slightly digress, talking more about potential solutions rather than focusing exclusively on the aspect of whether or not you agree with increasing tax on unhealthy food. Make sure your content directly aligns with the question prompt and maintains a consistent discussion throughout.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are comprehensible, but they sometimes lack depth. Work on expanding your central ideas to show a more comprehensive grasp of the topic. Deep analysis and clear articulation of your thoughts will contribute to a more authoritative and convincing argument.
task achievement
Though some examples are present, they tend to be hypothetical. To enrich your argument, include real-world examples and specific evidence to back up your ideas. This will lend more credibility to your writing and help exemplify the points you're trying to make.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example