Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages
In the digital age, social
media
is closely intertwined with our lives. Checking messages from social media
is one thing that most people
do every day. Also
, the young generation gets news information through social media
, too.To me, the pros of social media
are way more than the cons. I will elaborate on my view in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, social media
provide a voice platform for everyone, there are many internet celebrities who have become famous through social media
, and they get opportunities they
transform their life. Correct pronoun usage
that
For instance
, a beauty influencer called Charlie was born in
a poor family. Change preposition
into
However
, she has a great interest in makeup products, as a result
, she has shown many makeup skills on Instagram and gradually became famous. Later on, she established her own brand and earned plenty of money. Moreover
, social media
has shortened the distance between people
around the world. People
from different countries get to know each other through the apps on their phones, this
also
helps eliminate the stereotypes of different races. Additionally
, social media
strengthens the connection between family and friends.Individuals can keep in touch with someone they care about easily even if they are separated at vast distances.
On the other hand
, social media
also
causes trouble. Firstly
, people
always show their best part of life on social platforms, hence
the idealized representation on social media
might cause unrealistic expectations of real life, eventually leading to mental health issues for individuals and societies.
Secondly
,social media
can serve as a breeding ground for misinformation. In 2018, there was a diploma named Su Chi-cheng, he committed suicide after being bullied by a netizen. The trigger of this
tragedy is fake news which has never been confirmed.
In conclusion, while
there are some drawbacks to the utilization of social media
, we can overcome them by improving the community’s media
literacy and the ability to think independently.The capacity of global connectivity and information communication is incredible.Therefore
, I believe the benefits of social media
far outweigh the shortcomings.Submitted by vivian901014 on
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Task Achievement
You have presented a clear position throughout the essay on the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is good. However, your response only partially addresses all parts of the task. Make sure you explore both sides of the argument equally and clearly address the prompt which asks you to discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and structure; however, there are several grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that disrupt the clarity of the writing. Pay more attention to sentence structure and the appropriate use of articles ('a', 'the'). Furthermore, ensure that pronouns are coherently used to aid the reader in following your argument without confusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. The introduction should more explicitly state the main points that will be discussed, while the conclusion should directly address the prompt, summarizing why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages definitively. This will provide a stronger framework for your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are supported by specific examples, which is great. Ensure that supporting sentences directly relate back to the main idea of the paragraph, contributing to the overall argument being made about the advantages and disadvantages of social media. Avoid straying from the main topic or introducing ideas without adequate analysis.
Task Achievement
You've use some relevant examples such as the influencer named Charlie, which is good. However, try to incorporate a more balanced range of examples that represent both sides of the argument. This will make your essay more comprehensive and effectively address the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.