IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

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More and more
people
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 live in
cities
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 today than at any point in the past and
this
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 trend will likely continue in the future.
This
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 has resulted in many problems including extreme overcrowding and governments should take measures to make living outside
cities
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 more attractive. There are a wide range of drawbacks associated with the rise of modern
cities
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 but one of the most obvious issues is related to population density. The large number of
people
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 crammed into a relatively small area has caused expensive housing, increased traffic and severe pollution.
For example
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, apartment prices in mega-
cities
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 like Tokyo and New York have soared to the point where only the wealthiest inhabitants can afford decent living standards. Regardless of financial status, all city dwellers have to deal with more and more traffic jams as the population increases
while
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 the area of
cities
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 remains fixed.
Finally
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, all these
people
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 living and travelling in one place puts a tremendous strain on the environment and some
cities
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, like Beijing in China, have become dangerously polluted. In my opinion, governments have a duty to encourage citizens to move to more rural areas. If
cities
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 continue to expand unabated
then
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 the above problems will only get worse. We might one day find ourselves living in densely packed, heavily polluted
cities
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 that resemble scenes from a dystopian science fiction film. In order to prevent
this
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 from happening, the government can give tax breaks to companies that choose to locate offices and production facilities outside the city.
This
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 will provide more jobs for
people
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 who are willing to live in the countryside. In conclusion, the concerns related to overcrowding in
cities
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 can and should be somewhat countered by governments incentivising living in rural areas. If
this
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 is done
then
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 we may still face problems related to
cities
Use synonyms
 in the future, but at least they will not be as serious.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear, direct, and adequately paraphrase the question. They should also relate closely to one another, ensuring a consistent theme is maintained throughout the essay.
Supporting Main Points
Ensure the main points of your argument are well supported with specific details and examples. While the essay broadly covers relevant issues, more elaboration on specific instances, perhaps through case studies or data, could enhance the quality of the argument.
Task Achievement
Although the essay topic is addressed, expanding on some of the ideas with further detail and analysis would give more depth to the response. Remember to fully explore each point you make, which ensures comprehensive coverage of the essay topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Use a range of connectives and transition words to guide the reader through the argument in a coherent manner. Ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next will improve readability and the overall cohesion of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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