IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most societies have its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

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A number of unsheltered people are seen in the locality. Many
advocate
Change to a plural noun
advocates
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 believe that gifting cash is the best way to support them.
However
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, in my opinion, it is not ideal as many wanders misuse the
money
Use synonyms
 and they rely on grants. The primary reason why supporting the helpless people in terms of monetary is not ideal as the houseless would not use
money
Use synonyms
 wisely. They always try to live in present
instead
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 of thinking about the future and they would spend all that funds in a single. It has been seen by many highly profiled individuals that funds given to beggars in a country like India are utilized by them in non-essential kinds of stuff
such
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 as drinks
as well as
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 cigarettes leading to their bad health.
Secondly
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, once folk start getting
money
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 without working, they will feel that there is no need to struggle. The habit of getting donations eventually leads them to the path of begging. Many communities are healthy yet they decide to beg for no reason. If these vagrants go to a proper workplace,
then
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 only, they will realize the value of hard-earned notes. The fact that in a country like India there are some homeless persons, who feel like begging is their profession and surprisingly,
this
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 occupation is transferred from generation to generation.
To conclude
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, gifting the funds to unhoused persons is not wise as these natives lack the basics of education and they end up spending
money
Use synonyms
 on drugs. The habit of taking grants
also
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 supports them to stop working,
thus
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 indirectly, people are supporting them to beg.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear and proper introduction. You should start with a more engaging opening that presents the topic clearly and outline your standpoint in a more structured way.
Task Response
The essay partially addresses the prompt but there is a necessity for clearer development of your ideas. You should strive to expand on your points, providing more detailed explanations and elaborations on why you believe giving money is not an effective solution.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on crafting more coherent paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should provide supporting information relevant to that main idea. It is also beneficial to include more diverse sentence structures as well as a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
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