IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned to prevent potential accidents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #accidents
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Some
individuals
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 believe that banning hazardous
sports
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 would prevent potential injuries. I agree that dangerous
sports
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 should have regulations but disagree with a complete ban.Dangerous
sports
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 can pose serious
risks
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 to participants, especially if
safety
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 measures are inadequate or ignored.
However
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, banning these
sports
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 entirely disregards individual freedom and the positive aspects
such
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 as physical fitness, mental resilience, and the thrill of competition that these
sports
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 provide.       Dangerous
sports
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 can indeed lead to severe injuries or fatalities
due to
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 their inherently risky nature.
Activities
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 like skydiving, rock climbing, or extreme skiing involve high levels of physical danger, where accidents can result in life-altering consequences. Inadequate training, equipment failure, or unpredictable weather conditions can amplify these
risks
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, making accidents more probable.
This
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 raises legitimate concerns about public
safety
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 and the ethical responsibility to minimize unnecessary
risks
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.
For instance
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, despite
safety
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 protocols, incidents in extreme
sports
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 like BASE jumping often end tragically
due to
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 the inherent dangers involved.      
Nevertheless
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, completely banning dangerous
sports
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 overlooks their cultural and personal significance.Many
individuals
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 find profound satisfaction and personal growth in these
activities
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, which can foster mental toughness, discipline, and camaraderie among participants.Restricting these
activities
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 could deprive
individuals
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 of valuable experiences that contribute to their physical and psychological well-being. Prohibiting
such
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sports
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 may lead to underground or unregulated practices, exacerbating
safety
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risks
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 rather than mitigating them.Countries like Switzerland regulate rather than ban extreme
sports
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, maintaining
safety
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 standards
while
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 preserving the freedom of
individuals
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 to engage in challenging
activities
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.    In conclusion, I support
safety
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 regulations in risky
sports
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, but I oppose
outrights
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outright
show examples
 banning them. Participants in
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dangerous
dengerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
sports
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 run a considerable risk, but that risk is reduced with the right
safety
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 measures in place
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples to provide more specific and detailed instances that strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
general
Review the essay for minor grammatical issues and improve sentence variety.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in the overall coherence.
task achievement
Your main points are logically organized and well-supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
The topic is fully addressed, and your position on the issue is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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