There was a time when people only shopped out for necessity, but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity, people don’t appreciate the value of money anywhere. To what extent do you agree with the view?
There is a significant change in terms of shopping by
people
. Nowadays, it is more about social class, which was previously to meet the basic needs and requirements of the family members. Importantly, the multi-giant companies have played a huge role by doing aggressive marketing campaign
and Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
penetrate
Wrong verb form
penetrating
to
the Change preposition
apply
people
. I would partially agree that people
forget value
of Add an article
the value
money
. This
essay will discuss exponential
increased external marketing activities by product companies Change the adjective
exponentially
as well as
available online shopping option
, which Fix the agreement mistake
options
had
created Wrong verb form
have
a
social inequality within Correct article usage
apply
a
society and Correct article usage
apply
value
of Correct article usage
the value
money
concept
is being analysis
independently only.
Replace the word
analysed
Firstly
, the companies have created a brand awareness to the target audience which has impacted directly to the people
, there is a shift of mindset to buy a
good, branded products over the Correct article usage
apply
local
available products. Change the adjective
locally
To
instance, the attire to wear Change preposition
For
while
going to the
work, social occasion which has some sort of social status these days, Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
lot
Add an article
a lot
to buy
expensive clothes Change preposition
of buying
due to
society
pressure and fail to remember Change noun form
society's
the
Correct article usage
apply
financially
affordability which is one of Change the adverb
financial
reason
, forgetting Correct article usage
the reason
concept
of Add an article
the concept
value
of Add an article
the value
money
.
Secondly
, there are an
online shopping Correct article usage
apply
option
available to Fix the agreement mistake
options
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
and more popular in
Change preposition
with
youngster
because they are techno-friendly and Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
new
trend for online shopping which is not limited to Add an article
the new
a new
the
household items but all international brands. Correct article usage
apply
This
online shopping is more of addiction
to checking discounted offers Correct article usage
an addiction
and
followed Correct word choice
apply
with
shopping Change preposition
by
on
every weekend. Change preposition
apply
This
concept
is a reason to the coming generation to failed
to remember Wrong verb form
fails
value
of Add an article
the value
money
concept
whereas
the elderly people
are still buying things which are needed or priority to use it
and they Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
can’t adopt online
shopping Correct article usage
the online
concept
due to
technology acceptance. For example
, D-mart supermarket which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
provide
Change the verb form
provides
the
discounted prices in Correct article usage
apply
compares
to local shoppers and Replace the word
comparison
this
supermarket provides all sort of household product. So, the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
have habit
of making Add an article
a habit
the habit
list
of items which need to be purchased and Add an article
a list
buy
those items even though discount offer Wrong verb form
buying
available
which is not needed to use it.
Add a missing verb
are available
To conclude
that it is more of self-discipline
approach to Correct article usage
a self-discipline
buy
things as per individual financial capacity which validates Change the verb form
buying
value
for money
but it has observed
Add a missing verb
been observed
this
more in Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
whereas
young people
would like to spent
more on lifestyle, influence with online shopping Change the verb
spend
concept
, solid marketing concept
and social status symbol within their friends
group Change to a genitive case
friend's
friends'
therefore
, it is more percentage people
are forgetting concept
to value
money
in young
generation.Add an article
the young
Submitted by patel.bhavesh870 on
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Task Response
Task Response: While you addressed the topic and presented relevant examples, there is room for improvement in fully developing and extending your main points to fully satisfy the task. Consider expanding on how and why shopping as a leisure activity has become prevalent and provide deeper analyses of how this relates to the value of money. Ensure each paragraph effectively contributes to your overall position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas and information. However, there are instances where the linking of ideas and paragraphs could be more seamless. Work on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and accurate pronoun referencing to enhance the clarity and flow between your ideas. Additionally, your introduction and conclusion could be more sharply defined to summarise your position and main arguments coherently.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.