IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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These days,the trend of owning a
business
Use synonyms
 is gaining heights among people,
instead
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 of working for enterprises or for others.I concur with the view.In
this
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 essay,I will present the potential causes of
this
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 scenario and discuss the disadvantages of owning a
business
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.
Firstly
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,we have to consider the causes of
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
own
business
Use synonyms
 trends.The first potential issue is a stressful environment.It is generally considered that stress is the main factor which has
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on workers.
Moreover
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,workers do not want to
work
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 under
such
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 conditions.So,they left their jobs and started
work
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 for themselves.
Secondly
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,the main reason is limited opportunities.It is believed that restricted options are concerning for employees.
Furthermore
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,they are bound to do the same
work
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 every day for the organisation.They do not do
work
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according to
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 their potential.
In other words
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, they are caged.
Lastly
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,low incentives are
also
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 the perfect ground for quiet jobs.
This
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 happens because they do not match with their heavy duties.
on the other hand
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,there are many disadvantages of self-employed as well.The first negative point is not a permanent result.In other language,in own
business
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, there are both things profits and losses.
In addition
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 to
this
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,there is no permanent source of income as in jobs.It all depends on the market.In detail,when the market is down,there is
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 or vice versa.
Self employment
Add a hyphen
Self-employment
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 can not be proved successful for
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
planings
Correct your spelling
planning
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.Plans should be long terms for
achieveng
Correct your spelling
achieving
 goals.So,cons are
also
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 present in
own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
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,there are many negative points of being self-employed
.
Correct your spelling
on
on the other hand
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,people can enjoy a lot of opportunities by doing their own
work
Use synonyms
.Consecutively,profit and loss is the part of self-employment.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but are minimalistic and not fully developed. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt but does not explore the ideas in depth. The response could be more complete by including clear, comprehensive ideas and expanding on the reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages. Point-of-view should be consistent, and examples should be relevant and specific to support the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
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