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Band 6.5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parents #pressure #children #development
these days , severe
pressure
 is imposed on the
kids
 by their
parents
 in order to prosper. guaranteeing
kids
' future and boosting their resistance, they do that
although
this
 notion bears not only some upsides including adhering to order and making attempts to reach goals but
also
 some downsides
such
 as mental disorders.
firstly
, some
parents
 believe that the future of their
children
 will be formed considering the measures they have taken in the past because those were nurtured in the same situation, they have of unshakable belief in these domains since they have reached their goals.
secondly
,
parents
 think that pressed
pressure
,
kids
 will present more resistance and resilience and take responsibility. the main benefit of
that is
children
 grow up in a harmonious situation
besides
 they are educated on how to tailor to different circumstances
therefore
 they would not be preoccupied with novel issues because being
children
, they have had the same experiences.
additionally
, they have a winning mindset
hence
 they make an accurate schedule and set short-term and long-term goals spontaneously,
for instance
, Japanese
children
 grow up under severe
pressure
 and do not have a tranquil childhood but they will flourish leading to a developed country.
on the other hand
, putting
pressure
 on
kids
 brings about some mental problems because the childish era is a golden time for playing and acquiring experience and knowledge
therefore
 pressing them beyond their capacities leads to some disasters including complex and anti-social behaviours like suicide,
for example
, Japon has not
also
 highest rate of developments but
also
 highest rate of suicide. as outlined above, putting
pressure
 on
kids
 is necessary to become successful
although
parents
 should be aware of all aspects of
children
's lives because
kids
 have low and sensitive morals
Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to use a more formal structure for your essay. Proper introductions and conclusions are necessary to provide a clear roadmap for your writing. It will help in enhancing the logical flow of your essay.
logical structure
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main point and flows logically to the next. Using clear topic sentences can help improve clarity.
supported main points
Ensure all your key points are well supported with relevant examples and explanations. This demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic and makes your argument more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Include a broader range of vocabulary and higher-level sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive language and aim for a more sophisticated tone.
complete response
Provide a more balanced view in your discussion. While you did well to mention both the benefits and drawbacks, try to equally develop both sides for a more comprehensive analysis.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, especially the example of Japanese children and their education system, which adds weight to your argument.
complete response
Your essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of putting pressure on children, showcasing an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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