IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it so advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#product #people
In our society, we used to consume some
products
 with good
quality
 or utility without seeing their advertisements. I strongly agree that buying a
product
 that we need is necessary without watching the promotion
first
.
First
 and foremost, purchasing an item that we need
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 us to see the
quality
 itself.
This
 is mostly
due to
 the
quality
 being a basic aspect we see in its
product
.
For instance
, when we need to buy some electronic device, we surely decide on its
quality
first
 rather than the commercial itself.
On the other hand
, the utility of the
products
 can be the
first
 choice for the buyers.
For example
, when we are thirsty, we just need water to drink without seeing the advertisement
first
.
Furthermore
, if the
product
 meets people's needs, they will not care about the commercials that
products
 have. Inhibitans will just buy them because they see what the
products
 offer something we need for daily life. To exemplify, mosquito rackets are meeting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's needs in tropical countries.
Therefore
, mosquito rackets will be useful to kill mosquitos which is some of them are dangerous and cause dengue disease.
Finally
,
while
 some complain that advertisements are unnecessary, they should note that when a
product
 is good or meets people's needs, the commercials
no
Add a missing verb
are no
show examples
 longer needed.
As a consequence
, society keeps choosing what is good for them. In conclusion, the items that meet the customer's needs will be chosen without knowing how the commercials look alike.
Submitted by anggin.anesthesya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay somewhat adheres to the task by presenting an opinion and partially developing it. However, the response lacks depth and the development of ideas is quite basic. To improve, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central idea and is developed thoroughly with detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
While there is a basic logical structure, you need to work on enhancing the essay's flow and coherence. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph linking words. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next with clear and logical progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: