Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development
There is no denying the fact that many
children
these days use their phones for hours
. It is a commonly held belief that spend
Wrong verb form
spending
hours
of
using smartphones could create a positive Change preposition
apply
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
in
Change preposition
on
children
, there is also
an argument that opposes this
idea. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, as technology continues to advance, it is allow
Change the verb form
allows
children
to learn new things. In other words
, with all the improvement of technologies, which can teach anything more easily. In addition
, it provide
various resources and ways to learn complex math and theory, Change the verb form
provides
for example
. For example
, if children
implement this
approach for
teach themselves and learn new insights and topics, they will have an extraordinary Change preposition
to
expanding
of their mindsets. Replace the word
expansion
On the other hand
, some people tend to believe that kids ought not to spend hours
on their smart devices, since it may cause bad behaviors
for them. It is Change the spelling
behaviours
also
possible to say that, people who spend many
Correct word choice
apply
times
scrolling through their smartphones, especially Fix the agreement mistake
time
the
kids tend to be lazy and less effective. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, this
will definitely affect their health and make them less resistance
to diseases. Replace the word
resistant
For instance
, if children
set
on their phones watching movies for Correct your spelling
sit
hours
, they may gain weight and isolated
from others. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to Add a missing verb
be isolated
this
question. On balance, I tend to believe that striking a balance between doing activities and learn
useful things Wrong verb form
learning
with
spending less time on phones to play or watching series, is a key to Change preposition
while
rise
kids to be Verb problem
raising
a
good Correct article usage
apply
member
in the future.Fix the agreement mistake
members
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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays some level of logical structure, but there is room for improvement. To enhance the flow of your essay, consider creating clearer connections between your paragraphs and ideas. Make sure each paragraph delves into a single main point and use cohesive devices accurately to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, however, these could be more impactful. The introduction should more directly address the topic and question, setting out your position or main points clearly. The conclusion should succinctly summarise your main points and restate your opinion, giving the reader a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the support could be stronger and more developed. Use clearer and more specific examples to back up your points. Each main idea should be expanded upon with evidence or examples that reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You have completed the task, but there is a lack of depth in your response. Aim to develop your ideas fully and explain your points more comprehensively. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to the question and explore the topic in detail.
task achievement
The clarity of your essay can be improved. Ensure that your ideas are expressed concisely and coherently. Avoid ambiguous statements and structure your sentences to directly convey your thoughts.
task achievement
Your essay requires more relevant and specific examples. Use concrete evidence and real-world scenarios to illustrate your points and make them more persuasive. Avoid general statements and aim to provide detailed examples that are directly related to the topic.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion