Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree
There are different opportunities
that
designated as a Correct pronoun usage
apply
volunteer
position
to build a Fix the agreement mistake
positions
society
by using the young population and some people have proposed that It is a good way to empower society
without a huge amount of expenses to pay to workers , however
, it seems they don't want to see the harmful aspects in a long time
,because, teenagers must familiar with the cost of living and economical life as a human ,so, I disagree with the volunteer
working for our young part of the society
, because , it would growth unawareness of economical issues in their mind ,so ,I will explain in following sentences .
In a beginning, benefits of volunteer
working are limited to companies and big instituitions that want to grow inn speed and cheep way ,in addition
, if these positions have a good designation in higher level of professionist in governments ,it has a huge effect to reduve national budjet for services in community like repairing jobs, health_care services and education ,however
, quality have sacrified indteat of quantity to accessibility all layers of population to have a free labour ,and this
theory is more famous in Europe and England during early of 1900 ,however
, the long outcome of these methods is reached to revolution like we saw in France, so , volunteer
jobs might helpful for short time
situation nor in a long time
,because, economic principals to manage cost of living as a family ,ust teach to youngesters and unpaid job would give them false confident to handle difficult situation and they have not act as a eminent person in their future life for their family and society
,likewise
, even in less amount of money we must use of teenagers for doing in workplace that they got awarness of importance of money in living in the world ,in addition
of , our children in their spare of time
can do excersise , dancing or learning a new skill in related their weaknesses on academic schedule in a school ,and can spend time
with their friend and family ,go to traveling and many activities that sould shape their critical mind and creativity in same time
,because, leasure time
of teenagers is limited to hours outside of their academic life and it must organize in related their abilitis to cope with their education,if , we assume they must learn working in a community it must consider economic isuues not only learning a social communication and values of generousity and kindness to pay the needs of community by their time
and their flexibilities to react with other part of our population .
In conclusion , this
idea of unpaid jobs is harmful for Add an article
the flourishment
flourishment
economic mind of young people and reduce their ability to solve problems that would arise in future regarding economic status .Correct your spelling
flourishing
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is disjointed, with the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion not clearly defined. Aim to have a clear introduction stating your opinion, two to three body paragraphs each with a main idea and supporting details, and a summarizing conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Many sentences in your essay are unclear and difficult to follow, which disrupts the flow of your argument. Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and logical connectors to improve clarity and coherency.
Task Achievement
Though you have expressed a clear stance in disagreement, you must ensure that your essay response addresses the entire prompt directly. This includes stating the opposing viewpoint and your reasons for disagreement, supported by specific examples.
Task Achievement
The ideas you have presented are relevant to the topic; however, they lack development and comprehensive explanation. Enhance the clarity of your ideas by elaborating on them with concrete examples and more thorough explanations.
Overall Language Ability
Use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas. Be cautious with spelling and grammar to avoid inaccuracies that can detract from the clarity of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.