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Band 4.5

some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #fashion #lives #effects
Over the
last
 two or three decades, the
fashion
 industry has been improvised as compared to the past.
However
, some
cliam
Correct your spelling
claim
 that
fashion
 influences
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adversely,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 say that
this
 has more positive effects on our day-to-day
lives
.
This
 essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both viewpoints and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
show examples
 industry plays a crucial role in
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 economy through
import
Correct article usage
the import
show examples
 and export
Change preposition
of cloths
show examples
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 and materials. There are massive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of the public
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
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 get earnings from
this
 sector
such
 as wavers, tailors, shopers
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.
Fashion
 changes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every
occassion
Correct your spelling
occasion
, every year by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
 designers, they are the main reason for the innovation in
this
 sector and
people
also
 can wear
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 trendy
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
.
For example
, many boutiques have
started
Add a missing verb
been started
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
 designer and they attract the population
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their new designs with what kind of
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 they use.
Therefore
, mankind
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 able to obtain enormous benefits in their
lives
.
On the other hand
, the negativities of
this
 trend cannot be ignored because it affects folk's day-to-day life
differnetly
Correct your spelling
differently
 which means humankind spend more money to buy new trendy dresses even
they
Correct word choice
though they
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 have plenty in their wardrobes. It stimulates more buying capacities,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result, mankind might be
dressaholic
Correct your spelling
readaholic
.
For instance
, a recent survey from the Times of India said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Indian
people
 have spent 40% of their earnings on buying
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 which means they are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dressaholic
Correct your spelling
dressaholics
 and addicted,
besides
, they should save their salary for their future because anything will happen in future like if happens any medical emergency, saving money only will be helped rather than dress and
fashion
.
To conclude
,
Fashion
Correct article usage
the Fashion
show examples
 field is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
inevitable in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives
.
Although
 it gives
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of advantages to the population
such
 as
livlihood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 and
wear
Wrong verb form
wearing
show examples
 new trendy
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
 like celebrities, the public spends
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount to buy many dresses and they become
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
. In my opinion about
this
,
fashion
 brings more benefits to the population in their everyday
lives
 and it provides more positive too.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, but both could be strengthened. While the conclusion summarizes the main points, the introduction could more effectively paraphrase the prompt and clearly state the writer's opinion. Maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout is essential, and transitions should be used to create a cohesive flow between ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents ideas for both viewpoints. However, to achieve a higher score, you need to ensure that your ideas are thoroughly developed and expanded upon. Clarity and depth of argument can be enhanced by providing more compelling reasons and varied examples. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with explanations and examples that are directly linked to it.
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