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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
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The
process
Use synonyms
 diagram depicts the life cycle of a
salmon
Use synonyms
 starting from
eggs
Use synonyms
 to a mature fish.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are seven steps
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
life cycle
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
salmon
Use synonyms
staring
Correct your spelling
starting
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 from incubation and
ended up
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 with
growth
Use synonyms
 and maturation.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, the
growth
Use synonyms
 and development of
salmon
Use synonyms
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three
environment
Change to a plural noun
environments
show examples
; river , estuary and ocean.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a group of adult fish
migration
Replace the word
migrate
show examples
 to swamping areas to lay
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
eggs
Use synonyms
 in the river which
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 incubation. A
matur
Correct your spelling
mature
salmon
Use synonyms
 can produce
hundred
Change the article
a hundred
show examples
eggs
Use synonyms
 in one
periodic
Replace the word
period
show examples
 of their development. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the incubation
eggs
Use synonyms
 emerge to become baby
salmon
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, baby
salmon
Use synonyms
 develop and
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 freshwater rearing to
estabilish
Correct your spelling
establish
 their life. Until
this
Linking Words
steps
Fix the agreement mistake
step
show examples
, all
Use synonyms
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 take place in the river. The next
process
Use synonyms
 is in the estuary, in which a
salmon
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 to more
matur
Correct your spelling
mature
.
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
etuary
Correct your spelling
estuary
early
 rearing.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, a
salmon
Use synonyms
 migration rearing area
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 ocean after one or three months in
growth
Use synonyms
 in the rearing estuary. In the ocean a
salmon
Use synonyms
gwroth
Correct your spelling
grows
 and maturation to become a
dulth
Correct your spelling
adult
death
 fish.
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
this
Linking Words
cyclus
Correct your spelling
cycle
 will be
star
Add an article
a star
show examples
 again to the first step

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, salmon, eggs, growth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life cycle
  • Salmon
  • Spawn
  • Egg
  • Alevin
  • Fry
  • Parr
  • Smolt
  • Freshwater
  • Saltwater
  • Adaptation
  • Physiological changes
  • Habitat
  • Predators
  • Survival
  • Ecosystem
  • Migratory patterns
  • Reproductive cycle
  • Environmental factors
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