IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us t buy things. othere people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Advertisement is actually a way of casting a new product to the clients or informing the availability of any materials so that buyers can buy it very rapidly. Many people mention that it is the highest successful at persuading customers to collect things.
On the other hand
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, the rest of the dwellers think that the process is not rare as well and they do not feel like paying any attention to it. From my point of view, In our life , we are super busy building a better life in order to enjoy our future days.
For
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this
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 reason, we do not have enough hours to search which products are launched nowadays. In that case, Advertisements are the best way of learning about the components.
Besides
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, Individuals can be informed about the element's activities and the benefits of its use.
Such
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 as, with new branded soaps, we can easily know all the advantages and disadvantages of their behaviour that can help us to choose which are suitable for our body.
Moreover
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, when we have knowledge relevant to a product,
for instance
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, its values, qualities, usefulness, and procedure of use,
then
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 the sellers become unable to cheat or betray customers. Though it has numerous benefits, it has some problems
also
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 that we face.
Firstly
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, it is so life-consuming and repeats several times
that is
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 exactly boring. Sometimes when we watch any important documents, or movies or try to gather information, in that moment, we feel it so annoying and try to skip it.
For example
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, A student whose exam is knocked at the door, watches a tutorial class , at that point, the repetition of advertisements is harmful to him because it kills his valuable moment.
Finally
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, In my opinion, Advertisements have some merits and demerits. But as we can get updated news and unknown information that's why it is very significant for us. By watching it, many of us, basically, women generally buy these products.

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Grammar & Vocabulary
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct small typos and ensure sentence structure is clear. For instance, 'collect things' might be better expressed as 'purchase products', and phrases like 'the rest of the dwellers' could be simplified to 'others'.
Vocabulary expansion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express opinions and ideas more vividly. This includes using synonyms and varied language structures. For example, instead of repeating 'advertisements', you might use 'marketing campaigns' or 'promotional activities' in some places.
Balanced Argumentation
In discussing both viewpoints, ensure that you allocate nearly equal space to each perspective. While your personal opinion is vital, the contrasting views need balanced exploration.
Evidence & Examples
In order to further strengthen your argument, consider incorporating direct examples or citing specific studies/research. This adds credibility and depth to your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay topic and indicates that you will be discussing both views, which sets a good foundation for the reader.
Task Response
You effectively conveyed your opinion and offered a reasoned explanation, showing a good understanding of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Despite minor errors, your essay maintains a level of coherence and cohesion with logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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