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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for lesuire activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #lesuire #activities #situation
In
Correct article usage
a fast_paced
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fast_paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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workers have long_ work
time
 with
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 Moment
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 activities
Such
 as entertainment or leisure.
This
 essay will shed light on both Benefits and drawbacks of
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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. Working for several hours have wide merits , The main one is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
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 of career professional, employees
would
Verb problem
apply
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gain
numerous
Correct word choice
apply
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numerous experiences
while
 working on different tasks.
Additionally
,enhancement of different opportunities and professional_
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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,
Furthermore
,there are jobs
require
Correct pronoun usage
that require
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 look long
time
 of
working
Replace the word
work
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,
for instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physician
Fix the agreement mistake
physicians
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,
Who is spending
Wrong verb form
who spend
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 more
time
on
Change preposition
in
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 operations and hospitals
for
Change preposition
to
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 survive live which as humanity occupation rather than a career .
On the contrary
 ,The demerits of
this
 view
that
Add a missing verb
are that
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, the. The employee has
weak_bond
Correct your spelling
weak
 with their families and relatives
due to
 less amount of sharing
time
 together .
Also
 few
interactive
Replace the word
interacted
show examples
 with parties and events which ultimately became unsociable . Even more the lack of
time
 for entertainment and leisure activities
causing in
Wrong verb form
causes
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 high stress ,anxiety and sometimes depression . In conclusion,Like every coin has two sides
this
phenomenal
Replace the word
phenomenon
show examples
also
 has pros and cons ,so the workers or employees should have both times for their professional and social _life.
Submitted by enasawad68 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Support main points with clearly explained reasons, details, and examples for a higher score.
task achievement
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task achievement
Present ideas more clearly and comprehensively, detailing how each point relates to the main argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, relevant examples to substantiate the main points and arguments made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lesuire activities
  • Work-life balance
  • Career progression
  • Economic productivity
  • Workaholic
  • Physical health
  • Mental health issues
  • Productivity
  • Work-life imbalance
  • Stress levels
  • Burnout
  • Community involvement
  • Healthcare costs
  • Time management
  • Flexible working hours
  • Quality of life
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