IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #companies #work
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Although
 having a lot of professional
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, some
people
 believe that
companies
 should replace the old workers with the younger
people
. Meanwhile
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others believe that
companies
 should keep the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
generations
due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 maturity and working
experience
. The following essay will discuss both points of view and present my point of view. Older
generations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 maturity and leadership skills and it will
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
company
 management. Some
companies
employed
Wrong verb form
employ
show examples
 older
people
 for leadership
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 so they can influence the
company
 policy based on their
experience
 and how they
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 the situations.
For instance
, in some
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 problems, older
people
 can control the situations with their
experience
 so
companies
 can manage the situations
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the best possible way. Compared to the younger
generations
, they tend to do
experiments
Fix the agreement mistake
experiment
show examples
 methods which is highly risk for the
company
's sustainability. Many others,
however
, believe that older
people
 workers should be replaced by the younger
generations
 as they are more productive. The younger
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 have better physical ability compared to the older
people
 and they
also
 could be better time by time.
For example
, most of the young
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 working in
productions
Correct article usage
the productions
show examples
 department as they are more
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 and able to produce more work so the
compines
Correct your spelling
companies
 can get better results. In conclusion,
while
 older
people
 have the maturity to lead
companies
, the younger
people
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 needed
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
production
Correct article usage
a production
show examples
 point of view. In my opinion, both
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own
streght
Correct your spelling
strengths
 and they should be allocated in a
company
 so they can get the balance between the
experience
 wise and productivity aspects.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly conveys one central idea and that this idea is supported by specific examples or evidence. Try to use a variety of linking words to create a more cohesive argument.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your argument is balanced, covers both views thoroughly, and provides specific examples for each perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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