There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

In our contemporary society, the phenomenon of academic pressure has long been a subject of controversial debate. Some societies have a notion that there is no need for non-academic
subjects
,
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and that they should be ousted from the academic schedule,
while
I cannot agree with
this
idea wholeheartedly. In the forthcoming paragraphs,
this
essay will elucidate
this
issue and offer a logical conclusion from my standpoint. First and foremost, proponents who support the idea of eliminating the
subjects
which require creative
skills
instead
of academic knowledge contend that students will not need them in their future lives. To exemplify, students who have different hobbies always attempt to find a way to satisfy their own interests, and in the long run, they will start to ignore their academic accomplishments and tend to be involved in practical activities.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that their tendency to participate in vocational practices may result in the decreasing amount of time allocated to their education. Turning to the other side of the paradigm, it is important to emphasise the significance of the
subjects
which can enhance the physical and mental well-being of individuals and can be helpful, in terms of developing lasting
skills
.
For instance
, if a person has a predisposition to cookery, they can constantly hone their
skills
to do their best, and it can give them a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.
Moreover
, these
subjects
may have boons
such
as paving the way for doing something outside of the academic concept, diminishing the high levels of stress, and creating a more calming and soothing emotional status. In conclusion, after having meticulously discussed all the aspects of
this
thought,
while
some people allege that it is salient to remove the
subjects
which are related to physical activity and innovative
skills
to create room for concentration on academic life, I do not concur with
this
way of thinking. I am a staunch believer that we should find a delicate balance between pursuing academic
subjects
and our own penchant
while
mitigating the dire ramifications of both stressful and unsuccessful lives.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a firm grasp on structure, progressing logically from the introduction through to the conclusion. Keep up the effective organization of your thoughts.
task achievement
You have done well in framing your arguments around the importance of non-academic subjects, demonstrating a sophisticated understanding of task demands. However, to further enhance your essay, try to integrate more specific, real-world examples to support your points. This would lend an added layer of conviction to your argument.
general advice
Vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay. This diversity in writing not only engages the reader but also demonstrates your linguistic range.
language use
Effective use of introductory phrases and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your position.
content
Your ability to present a balanced view and consider multiple perspectives enhances the persuasive quality of your essay. maintaining balance in your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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