Some people believe that schools should reward those students who show excellent academic performance while some believe that only the ones who show significant improvement in the grades should be rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently there has been a heated debate about how institutions should recompense the alumni, some believe that only the best among them should be,
while
others think that the ones who have shown significant improvement when compared to the beginning of their studies should. On the one hand, without a doubt, those youngsters who have the highest grades are the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have put more effort into their studies,
therefore
, they are rewarded only because they make the institute more prestigious.
According to
the data, all highest
ranked
Correct your spelling
highest-ranked
show examples
universities
such
as Oxford University use
this
rewarding method,
as a result
, postgraduates have been shown to find jobs more easily, increasing the prestige of the university.
In addition
,
this
way youngsters are more encouraged to study because they become competitive against each other.
On the other hand
, every student has different abilities and requires different time to learn,
moreover
, some of them may have to face some trauma that has kept them away from books,
hence
, some of them may find some difficulty in finding their path.
For example
, if an alumn has been through some family issues
such
as abusive parents, or suffers from autism, it is obvious that their school performances are influenced by their situation.
Thus
, those scholars should be rewarded when they make even the smallest progress, especially when they are still young. In conclusion, I believe educational institutions should not give rewards only to those who get good grades, but since their priority should be to educate children, they must take care of every one of them, in order to make them improve
also
as people not only by the scholastic point of view.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to incorporate more specific examples and details that can support your discussion points effectively. The examples should be clearly connected to the argument you are making.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. In some instances, your ideas could be further developed to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on fully developing each main point with balanced discussion. Make sure all ideas are expanded adequately and balanced well between the viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, and the main points are effectively supported throughout.
task achievement
You presented both viewpoints clearly and provided a well-considered opinion in the conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic performance
  • excellent academic performance
  • significant improvement
  • motivates
  • aspires
  • intelligence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • competitive spirit
  • academic success
  • struggle academically
  • perseverance
  • innate ability
  • confidence
  • valued
  • growth mindset
  • inclusive environment
  • holistic education
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