IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

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It is often argued that
prison
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 should be the only punishment for all lawbreakers,
while
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 others think that there are better alternatives.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, before coming to the conclusion that both are equally valid.
Firstly
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,
prison
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 is definitely a good form of punishment for any kind of law-breaking.
In other words
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,
people
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 sometimes don't care about the law because of light punishments,
such
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 as 5$ for overspeeding, 10$ for parking faults, 200$ for driving with alcohol etc. These kind of penalties make
people
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 not to care about the law. The government can put them in
prison
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 for a minimum of 2 hours to a lifetime, depending on the crime category.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 should feel the loneliness of
prison
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 that can prevent them from repeating the same mistake.
For example
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, In Bangladesh, the government has revised currency penalties to
prison
Use synonyms
 against some categories of law-breaking.
On the other hand
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,
prison
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 has some severe bad impacts on our personal life.
For instance
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, a man or woman can be humiliated socially. In society,
people
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 generally see them negatively and abandon them from different social activities or invitations, like marriages, birthday programs, religious programs etc. Punishment in
prison
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 against small faults, may ruin someone's career
due to
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 depression, demotivation etc. and lead them into drug addiction. In conclusion, both statements have negative and positive views. I believe that some balanced punishments can be implemented for equilibrium which allows
people
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 to feel the worst sides of the faults and not to repeat that again.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. While an attempt to organize the essay into separate viewpoints is evident, the progression from one idea to another is not always smooth or logical.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, and they demonstrate a basic structure, but the introduction could better outline the forthcoming discussion, and the conclusion should more effectively summarize the arguments provided.
coherence cohesion
The essay makes an attempt to support main points with examples or explanation, but these are often not fully developed or convincing.
task achievement
The response addresses the task given, but the answer is not fully extended. There is a need to delve deeper into the discussion, fully exploring and developing each viewpoint.
task achievement
Some ideas are presented, but they lack comprehensive development and depth. The candidate should aim to explain ideas fully and provide more detailed arguments.
task achievement
Specific examples are somewhat lacking or not effectively used to support the arguments. More relevant and detailed examples would strengthen the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • prison
  • alternatives
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • overcrowding
  • financial strains
  • community service
  • vocational training
  • restorative justice
  • make amends
  • diversion programs
  • non-violent offenders
  • mental health problems
What to do next:
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