IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

#damage #countries
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Nowadays, environmental
damage
Use synonyms
 is a rising issue in many countries. Despite
this
Linking Words
 problem looking insoluble, there are ways to decrease the level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harm
Use synonyms
 to the environment caused by humanity. The main causes of the environmental
damage
Use synonyms
 are air and water pollution, which
exacerbate
Correct subject-verb agreement
exacerbates
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 global warming and
Use synonyms
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
show examples
 marine life. The former issue is mainly caused by the carbon dioxide emissions from factories, planes and vehicles, which destroy the ozone layer of the Earth.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the temperature on the planet rises, causing global warming, which is responsible for wildfires and
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of many species. Water pollution, in its turn,
also
Linking Words
 threatens animals, aquatic in
this
Linking Words
 case. By throwing garbage into the seas and oceans, humanity kills marine life and destroys whole ecosystems, which are almost impossible to
be restored
Wrong verb form
restore
show examples
. The solutions to these problems lay mostly in people’s cooperation and
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility for all of the
damage
Use synonyms
 they have ever done. First of all, humanity should raise awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues, so that more people become more conscious
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their actions. If more citizens start to lead an eco-friendly lifestyle, it will greatly help nature.
This
Linking Words
 type of lifestyle may
for example
Linking Words
 include sorting the waste and throwing it away only in specific trash banks and taking public transport more frequently
instead
Linking Words
 of using a private vehicle.
The global
Correct article usage
Global
show examples
 organisations should
also
Linking Words
 become more aware of the
damage
Use synonyms
 they cause to the environment
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
use more eco-friendly ways of doing business and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 more programs by helping to clear
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
harm
Use synonyms
 that
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 already done to it. Taking everything into consideration, the main causes of environmental
harm
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as air and water pollution can be solved by people leading more eco-friendly lifestyles and by global enterprises being more responsible for their actions and aiding the environment restoration.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and avoids redundancy. Making smooth transitions between points can also enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present which is good. However, the conclusion could be enhanced by more explicitly summarizing the key points and reinforcing the stance or recommendation indicated in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each supporting main point should be illustrated with clear, specific examples. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the prompt. However, to reach higher scores ensure that the response covers all aspects of the question comprehensively and in a balanced manner.
task achievement
Clearly structured ideas with a progression from introduction to conclusion are important, but achieving higher marks will also depend on the depth and the elaboration of the ideas presented.
task achievement
Adding more relevant, specific examples can provide evidence to your points and further demonstrate your understanding of the topic. Use them to substantiate your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • urbanization
  • overpopulation
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • fossil fuels
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable agriculture
  • recycling systems
  • international cooperation
  • conservation
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