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Writing Samples
Band 7

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the reasons behind this trend? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

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These days, in many nations, many professionals in the medical and educational fields choose to live abroad.
This
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 is mainly because of better job opportunities and living conditions. There are a number of
solutions
Use synonyms
 that can be implemented to deal with brain drain.
Firstly
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, many doctors and teachers choose to migrate to other countries because they look for better job opportunities.
In other words
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, In some countries, especially underdeveloped nations
such
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 as Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, medical practitioners and educators do not have the chance to find better jobs because there are not many hospitals and schools.
Although
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 they have high qualifications, they do not have a stable income.
As a result
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, they cannot have a comfortable life.
Thus
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, they choose to move to developed nations, namely the USA, with the aim of looking for a career with a decent income.
Secondly
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, another reason is that they want to have better living conditions for their children. When they live in their own countries, they cannot give the best education to their loved
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
due to
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 a lack of schools and facilities. There are two
solutions
Use synonyms
 to overcome
this
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 problem. First of all, the government should give them more incentives, namely housing and transport. With
this
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, even if they get low salaries, they can still save money because they do not need to spend on accommodation and transportation. Another solution is that the government can come up with more facilities and services that can make the place more attractive, which,
as a result
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, can be a motivation for professionals to stay and continue their work.
For example
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, they can build more schools, shopping malls, and entertainment areas.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 can be challenging if the country is not financially stable.
To sum up
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, having more incentives and developments are effective
solutions
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 to solve
this
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 problem. If the government implemented these
solutions
Use synonyms
, the rate of brain death would drop.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is positive. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved through the use of more sophisticated linking words and phrases that better connect the points between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from a broader range of examples, clearly illustrating the reasoning behind the trend and the suggested solutions. The current examples are a bit generic and could be more detailed.
task achievement
The response addresses both parts of the question but does not fully develop the solutions. It mentions solutions like incentives and development but fails to elaborate on how these measures tackle the issue of professionals leaving. More detail and development in the explanation of solutions would enrich the task achievement.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear and understandable, yet the essay does not delve deeply enough into the causes behind professionals leaving their own countries. More comprehensive analysis and discussion of both reasons and solutions would enhance the response.
task achievement
Specific examples such as actual incentive programs, countries that have successfully implemented such solutions, or statistical results would add credibility to the argument and make the essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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