IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

To succeed in business, one needs to know math. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#business #math
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Many people consider
math
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 skills to be key to achieving
business
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success
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.
While
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 I accept that
this
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 perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are a number of other factors that contribute to
business
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success
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. On the one hand, mathematics helps key people make better decisions. One application of mathematics in
business
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 is to provide statistics that can predict future situations.
This
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 can be seen in the case of Unilever, the company used a statistical model that could forecast the supply and demand of fast-moving consumer goods, allowing company leaders to promptly plan the production and sale of each product. Thanks to that, the scale of
this
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 company has increased significantly and earned huge revenue from data models.
On the other hand
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, there are many compelling reasons why I believe one can run a successful
business
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 without excellent
math
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 skills. In fact, many entrepreneurs have built billion-dollar businesses based on great personal qualities. A typical example in
this
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 case is Mr. Nguyen Thanh Duc, Chairman of NTD Group. He was known to be a disruptive student, failing most of his school subjects, including
math
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.
However
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, he later became an inspirational leader who could motivate his employees to strive to achieve
overall
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success
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 for the corporation.
In addition
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, his
success
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 was
also
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 thanks to his courage to accept risks with reasonable calculations. His startup grew into a multinational
business
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 empire, becoming a market leader in many industries, including real estate, fishing and forestry. In conclusion,
while
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 there's no denying that basic
math
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 is an integral part of running a
business
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, I still think inspirational personality traits and luck are important factors
to bring
Change preposition
in bringing
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 to
success
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.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a clear position and arguments, aiming for more complex sentence structures could improve the logical flow further.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise the main points effectively, which has been done well in this essay.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points could be enhanced further by integrating more detailed examples and explaining how they relate to the thesis.
task achievement
Ensuring that all parts of the task are addressed is crucial. This essay has achieved this, with a balanced discussion on the role of math in business success and the importance of other factors.
task achievement
To increase clarity, ensure that the ideas presented are developed fully and are easy to understand, which this essay successfully demonstrates.
task achievement
Using specific examples to illustrate points is key and this essay includes relevant examples, but elaborating on them could make the position stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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