IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. To what extent do you agree.

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The issue of whether
children
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 are given too much free
time
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, in my view, is not about the amount of free
time
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 they have, but about whether
this
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time
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 can be spent on socially productive activities. Clearly, giving
students
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 an excessive amount of spare
time
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 after school may cause a series of problems. Young
students
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 are at the best stage in their lives to acquire knowledge and skills. If
this
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 precious period is occupied with idle activities, they will have to do much more to compete with their peers when they become adults. What can be more disturbing is the possible increase in
children
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's misbehaviour and even offences after school. Some teenagers may linger on the streets
instead
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 of staying with their parents or guardians, which makes it very likely for them to be involved in criminal acts. Not only does schoolwork include writing essays and research papers
,
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, but
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it may
also
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 offer a variety of social activities,
such
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 as group discussions or preparation for team
presentation
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presentations
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, which hone
children
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's cooperative skills. So it seems
children
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 should indeed spend more
time
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 on their school work. Despite all these considerations, I believe that
students
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 should be given enough freedom in deciding how to use their spare day for the fundamental reason that the skill of managing their
time
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 is as important as reading books or doing exercises. Specifically, providing
students
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 with the right to choose what they do after class will develop their sense of responsibility and build their confidence which is the root of any success. In conclusion, I think
students
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 should be given proper guidance about how to use their free
time
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,
although
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this
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 free
time
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not
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does not
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 necessarily have to be spent on schoolwork.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the key argument and final position. Both were not evidently distinguishable or well-developed.
Logical Structure
Improve the logical structure by using a more distinct paragraphing style that separates the key ideas and arguments into different sections.
Supporting Main Points
Support main points with more detailed examples or evidence to make the argument more compelling. Elaborate on the claims with specific examples.
Complete Response
Fully address the task by responding to all parts of the question consistently throughout the essay. Ensure that the position taken is clear and maintained with relevant arguments throughout the essay.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand on the main ideas to create a more comprehensive argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure each point contributes to building the overall argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use more specific and relevant examples to illustrate the arguments. Avoid general or unrelated examples that do not strengthen the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unstructured free time
  • creativity
  • mental health development
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • sports
  • arts
  • social skills
  • family time
  • emotional growth
  • relationship building
  • rest and leisure
  • academic performance
  • burnout
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