Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

There is a widely held view among people that several

kids

spend their time on their

smartphones

on a daily basis. The essay will discuss some possible reasons behind

this

issue, and I strongly believe that

this

is a negative development.

Firstly

, there are a couple of reasons why

this

is the case. Having said that, parents have been quite busy with their workload these days, which would make them spend less time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing with their babies. They have to use

smartphones

as a

last

resort to stop their

kids

from bothering them.

Additionally

, more and more parents get married without furnishing themselves with any knowledge related to marriage, childbearing, and childrearing.

This

would lead them to be indifferent to taking care of their boys and girls. As a

results

Correct the article-noun agreement

result

show examples

, they let their

children

play and watch

smartphones

too much.

Secondly

, there are some pros and cons to

this

cult.

Initially

smartphones

can entertain

children

. The fact is that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

a wide range of programs for

kids

such

as cartoons, music, or educational channels, that attract

children

to keep their eyes on

screen

Add an article

the screen

show examples

. If fathers and mothers consider these programs thoroughly, they will help

children

develop to some extent.

For example

children

can learn English through English programs.

In contrast

, their

kids

will suffer from some diseases,

for instance

, short-sighted eyes or mental instability, if parents let their

kids

see

Verb problem

watch

show examples

films excessively.

Furthermore

, constantly

gluing

Change the spelling

glueing

show examples

on those devices may cause them to lose communication since they don't want to interact with others.

Consequently

, they may suffer from autism or depression. In conclusion, more and more young people are becoming addicted to phones.

Although

this

trend has some advantages, I think that the disadvantages can overshadow its merits.

Submitted by hongmien.n on Tue Jul 02 2024

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task achievement

Improve topic sentences for each paragraph to make your main ideas clearer. For instance, instead of starting the second paragraph with 'Firstly,' consider specifying the particular point you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your connection between paragraphs is smoother. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Another reason is...' to create a logical flow.

task achievement

Consider elaborating more on your examples. For instance, when mentioning English programs for learning, you could detail what specific benefits they bring to child development.

language

Try to minimize small grammatical errors. For example, replace 'use smartphones as a last resort to stop their kids from bothering them' with 'use smartphones as a last resort to keep their kids occupied.'

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly outlines the problem and your stance, which contributes positively to the overall coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas and reinforces your viewpoint, providing a coherent end to your discussion.

task achievement

The essay covers both reasons for children spending time on smartphones and the positive and negative impacts, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste

Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at the school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What are the reasons for this and how can the problem be tackled?