IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people believe that preventing an illness is better than curing it. Researching and treating diseases is too costly, so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

#people #illness #diseases #measures
It is believed that precautions are always better than cure as they help people live healthy lives, and treatments are risky and expensive. I totally agree with the given statement, and spending little to maintain a healthy lifestyle is a wise decision for me. First of all, adaptation of prevention measures can reduce mortality and morbidity rates. To illustrate
this
, people are more prone to get genetic diseases like diabetes and hypertension just because their parents are carriers.
Consequently
, they can reduce excessive sugar and salt in their meals.
For example
,
according to
 the World
Health
 Organisation, the majority of disorders in
this
 world are easily preventable just by balancing mental and physical
health
. They even added that cancer can be stopped from spreading by following intermittent fasting every day.
Moreover
, research from Harvard University highlights the significant financial relief that preventive measures can bring. It's a well-known fact that serious
health
 issues often lead to financial strain, with many middle-class individuals depleting their savings to cover hospital bills during a
health
 crisis.
However
, promoting preventive measures can alleviate
this
 burden.
For instance
, India's 'Divine Yoga Institute advocates for meditation, a Satvik diet, and yoga for physical well-being. By incorporating these practices into our daily lives, we can potentially prevent 40% of common diseases, providing a much-needed sense of financial security and peace of mind. In conclusion, it is indeed true to live freely; enjoying junk food occasionally is acceptable as we have only one life to live;
however
, in my opinion, not taking care of
this
 is the precious gift of God; our physical body is an injustice to life.
Submitted by pateldhruvi038 on

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cohesion
While the essay provides strong arguments and relevant examples, ensure clearer connection between ideas in the middle of paragraphs to improve cohesion. Transitions like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' may help.
task response
Make sure to maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Phrasing such as ‘as we have only one life to live’ could be rephrased to better fit the formal style required for IELTS essays.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a strongly supported opinion.
cohesion
There is a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion.
task response
Relevant and specific examples are provided which strengthens the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adage
  • incidence
  • chronic diseases
  • communicable diseases
  • non-communicable diseases
  • vaccinations
  • health screenings
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
  • return on investment
  • productivity
  • healthcare expenditure
  • balanced diet
  • regular exercise
  • advanced treatments
  • long-term cost savings
  • preventive healthcare
  • healthcare systems
  • population health
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