Some people say that we must send our parents to old age home when they reach 60. However other think that they must be taken care at home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are several choices
how
to take Change preposition
on how
care
our
Change preposition
of our
parents
after they get older. Some individual
believe that we can take our Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
parents
to nursing home
. Some others argue that it is our responsibility to take Fix the agreement mistake
homes
care
of our parents
at home
. While
some
some people argue that we should send Correct quantifier usage
apply
elderly
to old Correct article usage
the elderly
age
home
, I side with those who feel that caring Fix the agreement mistake
homes
our
Change preposition
for our
parents
at home
is part of their children
responsibility.
On the one hand, some Change noun form
children's
society
think that nursing Fix the agreement mistake
societies
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
is
a good Verb problem
apply
place
because they can Fix the agreement mistake
places
threat
Correct your spelling
treat
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
well
. Rephrase
apply
This
choices are commonly Change the determiner
These
take
by people that too busy for work and Verb problem
made
dont
have time to take Correct your spelling
do not
care
of them
at Correct pronoun usage
themselves
home
. Furthermore
, they believe that this
place can give
several facilities, Verb problem
provide
such
as entertaiment
, Correct your spelling
entertainment
friendship
from the same Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
age
, professional
nursery and medical treatment. Correct article usage
a professional
Those kind
of benefits can support our Change the determiner
That kind
Those kinds
parents
for
not Change preposition
to
feeling
alone and stay active. To illustrate, old Wrong verb form
feel
age
home
have a good schedule that fit
with our Change the verb form
fits
parents
needs, in the morning they have motoric activity like Change noun form
parent's
parents'
aerobic
for Replace the word
aerobics
elderly
or small walk in the park. After breakfast, they offer some group so they may discuss or communicate with each Correct article usage
the elderly
others
.
Change to a singular noun
other
On the other hand
, it is better to make our parents
stay at home
, both in our parents
house or in their Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
children
house. As we knowChange noun form
children's
that
, our Correct word choice
apply
parents
already raise the childrens
until they can live independently, Correct your spelling
children
therefore
it is our reponsibility
to do the same thing when they reach 60 years old. If Correct your spelling
responsibility
they
children are too busy because of work, Correct your spelling
the
care giver
services can help to take Correct your spelling
caregiver
care
elderly at home
. Moreover
, parents
can feel happier and comfortable
if they Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
close
Add a missing verb
are close
with
their nuclear family and play with their Change preposition
to
grandchildrens
. Correct your spelling
grandchildren
In addition
, emotional stability is essential for elderly
to keep them mentally and physically Correct article usage
the elderly
healty
, and it can Correct your spelling
healthy
be achieve
if they are in their safe place.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
be achieved
while
sending our Correct word choice
apply
parents
to old
Correct article usage
an old
age
home
could bring several merits, parents
can be more joyful if they live in their home
with family. Therefore
, on balance, I remain firlmy
convinced that the idea of sending Correct your spelling
firmly
parents
to nursing home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
sould
be abolished.Correct your spelling
should
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task achievement
The essay displays a basic understanding of the task requirements and illustrates an attempt to address the prompt, though the varied perspective aspect could be further emphasized for greater task completion.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay does satisfy the basic requirements of an acceptable logical structure; however, the progression of ideas can be improved by better signposting, linking words, and the delineation of paragraphs. Maintain a clear division between each perspective discussed for greater coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example