IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, While some people think it is bad. discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #sports #event #country
Some
people
 believe that hosting an international sports event is positive for the
country
,
while
 others believe that it is not good. A
country
 will develop if they accept an international sports event,
this
 will bring some advantages for the
country
such
 as
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 income of the
country
, it would bring benefit for local sellers,
also
 build international
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 for every
country
.
Besides
, it will increase
thieft
Correct your spelling
theft
 cases. In my view, I believe that
this
 trend will bring advantages for the
country
. Sports is
trending
Correct article usage
a trending
show examples
 tournament around the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when a
country
held
Wrong verb form
holds
show examples
this events
Change the determiner
this event
these events
show examples
, it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 some opportunity to get more money, as we know many
people
 will use many public
stuffs
Change the wording
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 and it will give high tax
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government.
for example
, many
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 will come to that
country
 and buy airplane
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
, stay in a hotel, rent a car or motorbike, buy food and drink,
shopping
Replace the word
shop
show examples
 in
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 mall,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 public transportation and so on. It
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 benefit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because every public service would pay
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 tax
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government. The local sellers will get more money by
sell
Change the verb form
selling
show examples
 their products.
in addition
, it
build
Change the verb form
builds
show examples
 good
coorperation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in the world.
on the other hand
,
this
 event
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact, one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
thieves
Change preposition
of thieves
show examples
. Many
people
 should be
carry
Wrong verb form
carried
show examples
 on when they
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowds because there are many strangers that use
this events
Change the determiner
this event
these events
show examples
 to steal.
for example
, when many
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
queue
Add an article
a queue
the queue
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the stadium,the thief will use
this
 situation to steal some
precoius
Correct your spelling
precious
 things
such
 as wallet, necklace, and others.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Response
Task achievement: Ensure you address all parts of the task. Clearly discuss both viewpoints and provide a reasoned conclusion that reflects your opinion. Your argument may benefit from a more balanced consideration of the opposing view and a more explicit statement of your own stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Work on the logical flow of your ideas, making sure each paragraph has a clear central topic. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Pay attention to paragraph structure, ensuring your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • infrastructure
  • national pride
  • cultural showcase
  • inspire a generation
  • temporary boost
  • environmental concerns
  • sustainable planning
  • public funds
  • divert resources
  • tourism influx
  • job opportunities
  • sports development
  • public health
  • construction
  • strategic investment
  • global audience
  • hospitality
  • public services
  • cost-benefit analysis
What to do next:
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