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Band 3.5

The graph shows the types of games people play in some country over a 7 year time period.

The graph shows the types of games people play in some country over a 7 year time period.
#games #people #country #year #time #period
The given line bar
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of Americans who
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 video
games
 and how much time
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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 per week between 2019 and 2021. The units are measured in percentage of
American
Add an article
the American
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 population and average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hours
.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the trend of playing
games
were
Change the verb form
was
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fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
,
whereas
 the
hours
 consumed
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased gradually
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 three years. In 2019, there were 73% of
American
 people who playing
games
 and
this
 trend experienced a slight
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in 2020 at 79%.
However
, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the trend
were drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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for
Change preposition
by
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 3% in 2021. Meanwhile, in 2019 the average
hours
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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used by
american
Correct your spelling
Americans
 playing
games
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 12.7
hours
.
Then
 in
2020
Add a comma
2020,
show examples
this
 number increased to 14.8
hours
inline
Correct your spelling
in line
show examples
 with the growing number of
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
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 who
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
games
this
 year.
Lastly
, in 2021 time witnessed a rise
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 1.7
hours
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the population
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, american, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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