IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Whether we like it or not, receiving
admission
fees
 for public locations is a substantially significant topic that has triggered an untold amount of debates among various folks. In the following paragraphs, both sides of the coin will be discussed. There are enormous benefits to the above-mentioned scenario. First and foremost, charging the audience is considered part of these locations' (Odd combination of words) annual income. Indeed, a staggering amount of the museum’s expenses will be covered in
this
 way.
For instance
, all parts of these places must be taken care of carefully, which costs a lot.
Nonetheless
, receiving
admission
fees
 is a great help for the venues.
This
 happened in a famous museum located in my country, where one was closed for approximately a quarter of a year
due to
 downsizing. Another merit would be the point that these application
fees
 are used as a momentous source of refurbishment. Since these scenes are acknowledged as the historical site of a nation, a vast number of tourists are fascinated by them.
Although
 some are old-style, renovation plays an indispensable role in increasing the number of tourists. Museums are developing their different areas
such
 as parking spaces/lots by taking advantage of these funds. Now there is
also
 the flipside, where the demerits, shall be expressed to the following cases. Not everyone can afford
admission
 charges, and yet these places must be equally available (Improper word order) to all citizens.
For instance
, a recent survey in Iran demonstrates there are a staggering amount of museums in the country, albeit roughly 15% of the community could pay (for) a visit. All summed up, given the scenario above, it is for the best that visitors pay
admission
fees
 to museums. Given the scenario above, everything can be recapitulated into the fact that the disadvantages are outnumbered by the advantages.
Submitted by maryam.niknamm on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed with relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effectively structured to clearly present the topic and your position, and then effectively conclude your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. Your essay mentions general scenarios and uses hypothetical situations, but concrete examples will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. While you covered some aspects, such as discussing advantages and disadvantages, there should be a clearer extension of these ideas, and the prompt's argument about whether one outweighs the other should be more directly addressed.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas that directly respond to the prompt. Make sure your arguments are explicit and directly linked to the prompt question.
task achievement
It's important to include relevant and specific examples to back up your points. Aim to incorporate real-world instances or statistics that directly relate to the topic at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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