IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Being a celebrity brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or more problems.

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Popularity can bring the majority of opportunities to a person ,like achieving a luxury lifestyle and lots of active audiences,
however
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, there can be some serious problems which stars can face.
Firstly
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, starting with advantages, fame can help
people
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 in order to achieve their goals and dreams which is why when
people
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 become famous they earn more compared to
others
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. The reason is, that the payment for popular musicians and actors is extremely high. Because the demand for them is very huge and even their single performance in concert can be evaluated for more than millions of dollars.As they earn more they can buy their favorite luxury cars and houses and even they can own their own planes.
Furthermore
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, as popularity increases the number of
fans
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, if famous stars start their own business, of course, they will have lots of clients because
fans
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 are always interested in their idol's products. One clear example of both advantages can be Billie Eilish. She grew up in a small house in California,in comparison, now, after getting famous she started to live in her own huge gorgeous house.
Moreover
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, in 2021 she announced her first fragrance and surprisingly it was widespread all over the world especially
due to
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 the support of
fans
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.
By contrast
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, there can be some drawbacks to fame.
For instance
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, famous individuals' privacy can be restricted by
others
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. They are not able to go to some facilities like cinemas or shopping malls as ordinary
people
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due to
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 the attention of
others
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 . They are always on the attention of
others
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 and whenever
people
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 meet them, they always ask to take a photo with them or want to get their autographs which is a challenging process for celebrities. To prove
this
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 opinion, in 2000th, the songs of
Add an article
a
the
show examples
singer whose name was Justin Bieber started to go viral and simultaneously became famous. As he became popular, all his
fans
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 wanted selfies with him and started to follow him on the street which broke his peace. In conclusion,
although
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 notability has some problems which can restrict renowned humans from normal activities, it brings huge benefits
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 richness.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view in your conclusion. You mentioned both advantages and disadvantages, but your conclusion leans more towards the benefits without fully addressing the problems.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to improve readability and keep the reader engaged. Some sentences are quite lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
task achievement
Clarify your examples and make sure they directly support the point you’re making. For instance, provide more detail on how Billie Eilish's fame helped her business success.
task achievement
You effectively discussed both the benefits and drawbacks of being a celebrity, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, particularly about Billie Eilish and Justin Bieber, added relevance to your points and helped illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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