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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

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Many
people
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 believe that without
crime
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 and
violence
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violence,
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 the
overall
Linking Words
 quality of life would increase drastically. In my view, the main reason for
this
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 issue is the government's inability to provide basic resources and opportunities for everyone and it could be fixed by supporting those in need by giving a monthly allowance. Because individuals don't have enough food, money for healthcare and other needs, they turn to various forms of
crime
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. It is proven that the majority of criminals are
people
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 who break the law to afford food and medicine.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they feel like the government does not care about their problems and does nothing to solve them. If
people
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 behind bars had gotten assistance or financial help during a tough time, the
crime
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 rate would have been way lower. Obviously, each country has a strict budget and can't give out money to every single citizen.
However
Linking Words
, since poverty is
such
Linking Words
 a big issue, the idea of providing them with
monthly
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a monthly
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 allowance should be discussed.
This
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 would be
particulary
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particularly
 important for
people
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 living on the streets, with no hope of finding a decent job or a shelter.
Consequently
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, their growing desire to abuse others or steal, in order to get resources, would lower.
Additionally
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, there should be more security cameras installed and a bigger amount of police officers working to make sure that everyone is safe.
Overall
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,
people
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 commit crimes because they feel as if
that is
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 their only option to sustain a normal life. To decrease the
crime
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 rate the country has to find ways to support the lower class both, financially and mentally
,
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apply
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 so that they are provided with the basic human necessities.

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, consider presenting a more balanced discussion by addressing other potential causes of crime in developed countries, such as social inequality, lack of education, or mental health issues. This will demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your points. Linking words and phrases could also be used more effectively to ensure a seamless flow.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions by providing more specific and detailed examples or case studies of successful implementations of similar measures in other countries.
task achievement
Your essay effectively responds to the task by identifying a key cause of crime—lack of resources and opportunities provided by the government—and suggesting practical measures to address this issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, effectively framing your argument and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a logical structure throughout the essay and your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly regarding the connection between poverty and crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • delinquency
  • deterrent
  • marginalized
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • socioeconomic status
  • stigmatization
  • surveillance
  • felony
  • misdemeanour
  • justice system
  • enforcement
  • sanctions
  • disenfranchised
  • peer pressure
  • substance abuse
  • white-collar crime
  • cybercrime
  • community outreach
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