Some people believe that in order to give oppertunities new generations, company should encourge high level empioyees who are older than 55 to retire do you agree or disagree?
Some employers in order to give
opportunity
or motivation Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
for
Change preposition
to
young
generation, should Add an article
the young
them
encourage Correct pronoun usage
apply
high level
employees who are older than 55 to retireAdd a hyphen
high-level
?
I think that Change the punctuation
.
this
idea is one of the best that I have been heard ever and I agree with this
opinion.
Commonly held belief that expectations and stimulations come when you saw
results or rewards from Wrong verb form
see
this
. When older people
will have encourage
like money or presents new generations will work more intensively for their future. Because many Replace the word
encouragement
people
when they began
something Wrong verb form
begin
they
want to know their results. If Correct pronoun usage
apply
progress
that they Correct article usage
the progress
did will
Verb problem
made
lead
to nothing they just lose Wrong verb form
leads
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
interests
. Fix the agreement mistake
interest
Furthermore
, older people
who have high level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
qualification
and experts their work Change preposition
of qualification
haven't
Rephrase
have
any
recognition can lead to the collapse of Correct quantifier usage
apply
price
stuff in the job. As I mentioned previously I agree with Correct article usage
the price
enouraging
older Correct your spelling
encouraging
people
, since they also
will interact, communicate, help or give a hint to them. It is like wolf
Correct article usage
a wolf
teching
Correct your spelling
teaching
pupies
how to hunt. Even though I think that elders shouldn't encourage only in order to opportunities new generation and Correct your spelling
puppies
also
for their contribution to the company. I hope that new generations will admire from
Change preposition
apply
high level
employees and will work harder than Add a hyphen
high-level
common
daily days.
In conclusion, taking all that I mentioned earlier I agree Change preposition
on common
for
encouraging older Change preposition
with
people
. However
, I disagree with idea
Add an article
an idea
the idea
about
encouraging only Change preposition
of
for
Change preposition
apply
this
.Submitted by aikumarbekarys on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it hard to follow. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and that these ideas connect logically from one to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but they need to be clearer in terms of presenting your thesis statement and summarizing your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points in your essay are not fully developed with clear examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. Your essay does not fully address all parts of the prompt, such as not sufficiently discussing the impact of encouraging older employees to retire on the opportunities for new generations.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are related to the task but they aren't developed comprehensively or clearly enough. Try to express and elaborate on your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples is relevant, but more specific examples could better strengthen your argument and help illustrate your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
