Some people believe that in order to give oppertunities new generations, company should encourge high level empioyees who are older than 55 to retire do you agree or disagree?

#people #oppertunities #generations #company #encourge #level #empioyees

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some employers in order to give

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

or motivation

for

Change preposition

show examples

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation, should

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

encourage

high level

Add a hyphen

high-level

show examples

employees who are older than 55 to retire

Change the punctuation

show examples

I think that

this

idea is one of the best that I have been heard ever and I agree with

this

opinion. Commonly held belief that expectations and stimulations come when you

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

results or rewards from

this

. When older

people

will have

encourage

Replace the word

encouragement

show examples

like money or presents new generations will work more intensively for their future. Because many

people

when they

began

Wrong verb form

begin

show examples

something

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

want to know their results. If

progress

Correct article usage

the progress

show examples

that they

did will

Verb problem

made

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leads

show examples

to nothing they just lose

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

show examples

Furthermore

, older

people

who have high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

qualification

Change preposition

of qualification

show examples

and experts their work

haven't

Rephrase

have

show examples

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

recognition can lead to the collapse of

price

Correct article usage

the price

show examples

stuff in the job. As I mentioned previously I agree with

enouraging

Correct your spelling

encouraging

older

people

, since they

also

will interact, communicate, help or give a hint to them. It is like

wolf

Correct article usage

a wolf

show examples

teching

Correct your spelling

teaching

pupies

Correct your spelling

puppies

how to hunt. Even though I think that elders shouldn't encourage only in order to opportunities new generation and

also

for their contribution to the company. I hope that new generations will admire

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

high level

Add a hyphen

high-level

show examples

employees and will work harder than

common

Change preposition

on common

show examples

daily days. In conclusion, taking all that I mentioned earlier I agree

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

encouraging older

people

However

, I disagree with

idea

Add an article

an idea

the idea

show examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

encouraging only

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Mon Dec 11 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it hard to follow. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and that these ideas connect logically from one to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but they need to be clearer in terms of presenting your thesis statement and summarizing your main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

The main points in your essay are not fully developed with clear examples and explanations.

Task Achievement

The response to the task is incomplete. Your essay does not fully address all parts of the prompt, such as not sufficiently discussing the impact of encouraging older employees to retire on the opportunities for new generations.

Task Achievement

Your ideas are related to the task but they aren't developed comprehensively or clearly enough. Try to express and elaborate on your ideas more clearly.

Task Achievement

Your use of examples is relevant, but more specific examples could better strengthen your argument and help illustrate your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

233 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?
It is true that science, technology and business are more vital to people than music and art. There are various reasons for this problem, but governments could certainly take steps to address this issue.
7.5
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Despite the agricultural advancements in recent years, numerous people are still hungry worldwide. I believe that exploring the causes of this problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it.
5
band
Many claim that the fast-food industry has a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences. You should write at least 250 words.
In today's contemporary era, food industry has been transformed completely and focuses more on selling prepared meals at restaurants using convenience and time-sensitivity as an excuse . I, strongly believe that this drastic change by fast food locations is adversely affecting our environment, eating habits and families . This essay will examine some key aspects of the former along with some real life examples to support the opinion.
7
band
Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Some people believe that youngsters can be influenced by their peers and call it "peer pressure". Meanwhile, others think that the advantages may outweigh the drawbacks. It is argued, that kids at the same age exert negative pressure on their friends. In this essay, I will shed some light on the issue and highlight the main pros and cons of "peer pressure".
5
band
The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Undoubtedly, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and as a result less career opportunities there are. Therefore, a significant proportion of graduates think of finding a temporary positions instead of entering higher education and acquiring a university degree. However, in my opinion, these two facts should not be confused because education yourself is vital not only to get a job in the future but also is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual. So, no matter the situation which is prevailed at the job market, higher education must be supported and promoted.

Some people believe that in order to give oppertunities new generations, company should encourge high level empioyees who are older than 55 to retire do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Many claim that the fast-food industry has a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences. You should write at least 250 words.

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.