IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others think that it has many disadvantages.  Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #people
Numerous modern organizations employ a wide range of tactics, including the sponsorship of sporting
events
, in an effort to boost sales. There are others who believe that by advertising during athletic
events
, businesses are not only able to reach a wider audience
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 provide a platform for new participants. Though, the opinion shouldn't be formed until both sides have been weighed. Having a company's name associated with a sporting event is a great way to get the word out about a game, and it
also
 allows firms to generate additional revenue. Reduced government support for some games has led to a decline in popularity.
This
 means that when businesses invest in these games, spectators are much more likely to tune in. Because of
this
, the promotion of any activity will benefit.
Furthermore
, event sponsorship can help get knowledge about up-and-coming athletes.
However
, the bulk of corporations that host sporting
events
 peddle low-quality goods and goods that are harmful to health. It's concerning that cigarette and alcohol companies use sporting
events
 to promote their products, given the known dangers of these substances to human health.
Although
 alcohol has been shown to have potentially toxic effects on the human body, companies like Kingfisher, which mostly supplies wine, are utilizing the popularity of sporting
events
 to increase their profits. To recapitulate, one of the clear benefits of sponsoring sporting
events
 is the opportunities it gives to up-and-coming athletes.
Nevertheless
, the unintended consequences of
such
 publicity campaigns cannot be ignored. Regardless of institutions promoting sports for their own benefit, they still help spread the word about the athletic world.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address the requirements of the task as it fails to discuss effectively both views and provide a clear personal opinion. The response is quite general and lacks development of ideas with specific examples and arguments.
coherence cohesion
The use of paragraphs is clear, but the logical sequencing of information needs improvement. Transitions between the ideas could be smoother to enhance the readability. Additionally, it is necessary to work on the introduction and conclusion to ensure that they adequately address the task and provide a summary of the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sports sponsorship
  • financial support
  • athletes
  • brand visibility
  • awareness
  • commercialization
  • integrity
  • dependencies
  • corporate funds
  • unethical practices
  • strategic partnerships
  • communal relations
  • promote healthy lifestyles
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