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Band 7.5

In many countries more and more young people are becoming jobless. What problems do you think unemployment will cause to individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters.

#countries #people #unemployment #individuals #society #measures #level #youngsters
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The rising
unemployment
 rate among young
people
 is a growing concern in many countries, leading to significant problems for both individuals and society as a whole. On an individual level,
unemployment
 can cause financial stress and mental health issues. Without a steady income, young
people
 may struggle to meet basic needs
such
 as housing, food, and healthcare.
This
 financial strain can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and a loss of self-worth. Long-term
unemployment
 may
also
 hinder personal development and career progression, making it harder for young
people
 to gain valuable work experience and skills, which
further
 limits their future employment prospects. For society, high youth
unemployment
 can lead to social instability. Large numbers of jobless young
people
 can result in increased crime rates, as financial desperation may drive some individuals to illegal activities.
Additionally
,
unemployment
 among youth can result in economic stagnation, as fewer
people
 are contributing to the economy through work and consumer spending.
This
 can lead to a cycle of poverty and inequality, negatively impacting
overall
 societal
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. To address
this
 issue, several measures should be taken.
First,
governments and educational institutions need to focus on improving access to vocational training and apprenticeship programs that provide young
people
 with practical skills tailored to the job market.
Second,
governments should invest in creating job opportunities through infrastructure projects and support for small businesses and startups, which can employ more young workers.
Third,
promoting entrepreneurship among young
people
 through funding, mentorship, and incubator programs can help them create their own jobs and contribute to economic growth. By equipping young
people
 with the skills they need and fostering a more supportive environment for job creation, societies can reduce youth
unemployment
 and its damaging effects.
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task achievement
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, adding more specific examples or data could make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence. Though your essay is generally well-structured, occasionally the flow between ideas can be improved.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of more varied sentence structures and vocabulary could enhance the clarity and engagement of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the key points regarding both individual and societal problems caused by youth unemployment.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas, is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers viable solutions, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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