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Band 5.5

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol these days. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

#people #drugs #alcohol
Nowadays, it is a fact that the number of adolescents who consume
alcohol
 and drugs has increased significantly. In
this
 essay, the causes and solutions will be shown. Regarding drug abuse, one of the biggest causes that breed
this
 problem is the neglect of the government in managing urban lives.
As a result
, slums are formed around the city tremendously. Unfortunately, youngsters who live in these regions have to cope with an unhealthy and unbalanced environment.
Hence
,
this
 leads to the rise in social evils.
Besides
, with regard to
alcohol
,
due to
 the development of social media, some brands take
this
 opportunity to entertain their products, especially beverages which have
alcohol
 to the youth and recommend them to try. To deal with these obstacles, the government should have a discussion with schools and universities so they can open some propaganda to convey useful lessons and experiences about
this
 hot topic. Not only that but
also
 enhancing living standards in the industrial areas should be a concern and improved. In conclusion,
although
 there is an expansion in the use of drugs and
alcohol
 in youngsters, with the help of the government in balancing the living standard and carrying out effective cooperation with schools and universities, the problems will likely be solved.
Submitted by susankhanh23 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should provide a clear position on the topic and introduce the main ideas that will be discussed. Make sure to include this consistently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, fully develop your main points with clear and specific examples. Avoid general statements that do not directly support your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you provide a balanced response to all parts of the question, reflecting on causes and solutions equally.
Task Achievement
When referring to specific examples, make them relevant and insightful to bolster the point being made. Avoid vague references.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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