IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents say that children should play individually more than in a group. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and include your own opinion.

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Childhood is the best part of one's life, and children have imaginations. Different kids have contrasting personalities, so a few enjoy being in the company of many kids,
while
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 others love solitude. A fraction of parents prefer that their offspring should stay and relish alone. There are various benefits and drawbacks to
this
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 mindset. I will discuss both and
then
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 give my opinion. First of all, playing alone and enjoying your company is essential for everyone. If you are not happy with yourself, you will never be happy with whatever the surrounding world offers you. The same can be applied to children, too.
Such
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 juveniles are more confident and self-reliant as they know not to depend on anyone else.
For example
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, recent research in a university shows that youngsters with no siblings perform better when it comes to emotional independence.
Furthermore
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, they have more management expertise as compared to their peers.
On the other hand
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, playing and staying with others develops interpersonal skills that are extremely useful for later life. They learn how to work together as a team,
thus
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 teaching them the importance of teamwork.
For instance
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, a study exhibited that people who lived in a joint family system in early childhood got finesse in communication as they interacted with multiple people and learned the art of convincing them.
To conclude
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, taking into account both points of view, they should taste both sides.
Instead
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 of following an extreme path, parents should take an intermediate way. They should be given opportunities to interact with others often, yet they should be taught to live in solitude and enjoy themselves.

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Logical Structure
You have presented the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is positive. However, the logical progression throughout your essay lacks complexity and sophistication. Your ideas should flow in a manner that effortlessly guides the reader through your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion
Though an attempt is made to introduce the topic and provide a conclusory statement, these sections could be strengthened by clearly stating the question prompt and summarizing main points more effectively.
Main Point Support
Your main points are visible, but they need further development and support. Expand on your arguments, providing more substantial evidence and exploring the implications and nuances of your claims.
Task Response Completeness
The response to the task prompt is noticeable, yet it appears to be superficial at times. Make sure to delve deeper into the implications and critically evaluate both perspectives with clarity and insight.
Idea Clarity and Comprehensiveness
The presentation of ideas is sufficiently clear, but there's room for improvement in articulating a more comprehensive exploration of the topic. Strive for depth in analysis and explanation.
Example Relevance and Specificity
The inclusion of relevant examples strengthens your essay, but the specificity and relevance could be enhanced. Aim to provide vivid, concrete examples that clearly support your points.
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