the bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries

#bar #olympic #medals #twelve #countries

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The bar chart shows all the victories that countries have had since the beginning of the Olympic games. It is clear from the charts that the USA is the winner of the Olympic

medals

Use synonyms

. If we compare it to the rest of the nations, we can see that he has a total of 2300

medals

Use synonyms

, which is triple that of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other countries like the UK or France. Indeed, 900 of the

medals

Use synonyms

won are gold. On

Correct article usage

the cn¡ontrary

show examples

cn¡ontrary

Correct your spelling

contrary

, in the

chart

Add a comma

chart,

show examples

we can see that Japan is the loser of the games. Effectiveness, he has a very

little

Correct word choice

small

show examples

number of

medals

Use synonyms

won, in comparison with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other countries like

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

or France.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, nations like China or East Germany are not very far from his position.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, we can say that the more the land is developed, the more his performance in the sportive sector is big. As we said, the USA had been victorious, and maybe

that is

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

because of his power. But China or Japan are

also

Linking Words

lands with

Remove the article

apply

show examples

important potential, but maybe not in

this

Linking Words

kind of activities like sport.

Submitted by santos_dij on Mon Dec 11 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words medals with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

185 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
There is no doubt that most adults spend the majority of their day all work. Thus, it is extremely important that their job is both a reward and fulfillment. I will examine these factors related to job satisfaction and how realistic these factors are.
5
band
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
It is a known fact that technological innovations have revolutionised the way younger generation utilise their spare time. While there are a few benefits, the drawbacks exceed them and will be discussed further.
4.5
band
Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?h
The violence become widespread in many parts of the world, Thu a lot of people think that the main reason is international sport of martial arts. I partially agree with this view, especially among children. In this essay will debate the side effects of material arts adding, the advantages.
4.5
band
Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
school is a highly subjective discussion point. However, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to begin intuitions at an younger, despite those who believe that a mature age is suitable for your offspring.
5
band
Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Television, friends, music, and family is a few factors that involved in a child's growth. These factors has been a debatable issue since there are two different views on the most important factors of the development of children nowadays. One of which says the day-to-day thing that the children experiences such as television, friends, and music are the main factors, and the other says children' families still play a huge part in their development.

the bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?h

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.