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Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
It is often argued that protecting
not
Rephrase
apply
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domestic animals is a disadvantage for our society because of all the
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
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 that they ask
.
Change preposition
for.
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However
, I will disagree with that statement for the
importante
Correct your spelling
importance
 of all the races in the world and how we can not exterminate them. Animals who have not be
teached
Correct your spelling
touched
reached
 by humans are usually called “wild”.
Nevertheless
, we can not forget that
that is
 their nature, their existence has never been next to humans. As I said, we can not separate them for their origin, because they were never born to do whatever the human race wants. An example that can support my argument is an article written by the FIGARO, a
french
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French
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 newspaper, that said that creatures are
more happy
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happier
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 when they are in a savage place because they feel
more free
Replace the words
freer
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 rather than in a home or a closed space.
Secondly
, I believe that not protecting them is a big mistake for our future because they are necessary to the nutrition cycle.
Also
, many of these beasts are used for activities like hunting and if they disappear,
this
 traditional time spent will
also
 disappear with it.
For example
, a survey done by the
university
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University
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 of Yale showed that in 2022, the
per cent
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percentage
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 of people practicing hunting had decreased since the
numbers
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number
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 of wild animals had
also
 reduced. To summarize, I agree with letting savage creatures live because they are crucial
for
Change preposition
to
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 our lives, and we can not forget that we
were
Wrong verb form
are
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also
 salvage critters and we can not force them to be like us.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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task achievement
The essay should have a clear position throughout the response. It requires you to state your level of agreement or disagreement directly and maintain this stance consistently.
coherence cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with a clear central topic. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, followed by elaboration or examples.
coherence cohesion
Using complex sentences and a variety of linking words will enhance the flow of the essay. However, be careful not to overuse them and ensure they are accurate.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear, with the introduction restating the topic and your thesis, and the conclusion summarizing your main points and restating your position.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and avoid errors in verb forms, articles, and pluralization. Use a range of appropriate structures and vocabulary.
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