IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
animals
Use synonyms
 that are not domestic or
source
Correct article usage
a source
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 of alimentation are not useful and they have to be left.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 necessary to protect beasts,
first,
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for natural and ecological reasons and
then
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also
Linking Words
 for security reasons.
To begin
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, we can not abandon them, because wild
animals
Use synonyms
 help to maintain the balance of ecosystems by controlling populations.
For example
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, birds like sparrows
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 help pollinate flowers and disperse seeds. And predators like lions or wolves regulate the number of herbivores, protecting vegetation. If these species disappear, the natural balance would be destroyed, which would
also
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 affect humans in the long term.
Therefore
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, even useless species actually contribute to the global health of our planet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, protecting beasts
also
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 helps to maintain security in our countries. Indeed, leaving wild
animals
Use synonyms
 without control can have the consequence of multiplying predators' dangers.
According to
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 an experience
made
Verb problem
conducted
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 by the
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 of Montreal
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2021, consisting to leave in liberty ten different species of beasts in a forest. The consequences are revelative because,
first,
Linking Words
the rate of animal killing increases by 43% and
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
, moreover
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, the transmission of
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 disease has been observed. So we must control and keep an eye on them. In conclusion, I believe that it is absolutely wrong to leave wild
animals
Use synonyms
. And it is clearly not a waste of resources to protect them. It is the opposite,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 beneficial
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is necessary to
assure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 our protection and biodiversity.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. State your view in one line, then give two clear reasons with a small example for each.
grammar
Use short and simple sentences. Break long ideas into two simple lines when you can.
content
Be careful with facts. If you name a study, say what it shows and how it helps your point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit. Words like also, and, but, for example help flow.
structure
Keep each paragraph to one idea. Start with the idea, then a small example or detail.
conclusion
Finish with a short restate of your view to end clear.
position
The writer gives a clear view against the idea that wild animals are not needed.
structure
The essay has a start, a middle part with two main ideas, and a clear end.
development
Some attempt to give data to back up ideas.
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