Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

In the contemporary era, there are an uncountable amount of ways to reach
destinantions
Correct your spelling
destinations
destination
in professional life or to
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
success
in science. More and more
people
have been trying to broaden
horizons
Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
show examples
and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
enrich
outlooks
Correct pronoun usage
their outlooks
show examples
day by day.
However
, it seems that for some of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
the goals are not
comlicated
Correct your spelling
complicated
and sometimes it
is not need
Change the verb form
does not need
show examples
to be a hardworking
person
to achieve what they
trully
Correct your spelling
truly
want. First and foremost, it is claimed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
success
is always associated with high salaries or ownership
high-valuable
Change preposition
of high-valuable
show examples
property. It seems that, to become
such
a
person
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
needs to be
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
educated or to be a
top-specialist
Correct your spelling
top specialist
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
company, like Apple, Samsung or SpaceX. It is formally acknowledged that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Ilon Mask, Steve Jobs or any other
person
from Forbes are
trully
Correct your spelling
truly
successful
people
and they achieve
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
accomplishmets
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
accomplishment
through hard work, discipline and education. Having said that,
accomplisment
Correct your spelling
accomplishment
can be defined not only in
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
stability aspect
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
as
success
contributing
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
society . There is
a clear-cut evidence
Remove the article
clear-cut evidence
a piece of clear-cut evidence
a shred of clear-cut evidence
show examples
that,
people
who have taken part in charity,
voulonteer
Correct your spelling
volunteer
work or
making
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
a
cereer
Correct your spelling
career
in public service have to be assessed as successful. From my perspective, I
am utterly believe
Change the verb form
utterly believe
show examples
a
person
whose choice is to be a civil servant
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
highly valued in society than all affluent
people
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many ways to achieve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success
in real life. It only depends on a personal viewpoint, in which area of modern life it has to be achieved and how it would be defined.
Submitted by roker123456 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay structure requires more clarity; it lacks a solid and discernible introduction, body, and conclusion. Aim to clearly introduce your topic, develop your ideas in separate paragraphs, and provide a summarizing conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between ideas is difficult to follow due to disorganized paragraphing and a lack of clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph has a main idea and that transitions between them are smooth to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are underdeveloped and require additional support through detailed examples and explanations. Expand on your ideas by giving concrete examples or citing evidence.
task achievement
The response to the essay question appears incomplete and partially developed. Consider addressing each part of the prompt thoroughly to provide a comprehensive answer.
task achievement
Your ideas are not fully clear and comprehensive. To improve, provide a more in-depth analysis of the concept of success and its different interpretations.
task achievement
Specific examples relevant to the topic are sparse or absent. Including personal, historical, or widely recognized examples can significantly strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: